MY KIND OF SUCCESS...

For someone who has chosen a career part that puts me in front of people constantly, I find it funny as I'm sure you will too, dat I find it hard to talk about myself. Give me any random external topic to discuss and I can talk confidently on it but reverse the  case and ask me to talk about something in relation to myself and I literally come up blank. So u can imagine how I felt having to write about my definition of success.

Success is one of those terms that are subjective in meaning most times than not, which means success to me will differ from success to you. However, I think that no matter how subjective it is, there will be an external reflection which when spotted by others can be termed as success. But even that in  itself is subjective! Talk about living in a complex world!!!

Since everything is kuku subjective, I'll go ahead n give you my opinion on success. Success to me is LIVING ABOVE MY FEARS! Sounds simple right? My dear the world is already too complex for me to start having complex definitions  for my life. The irony funny enough is that as complex as life is, life is also simple and as such as simple as my definition is, it isn't. Lol....

My life is made up of different facets that come together to make me. There is the religious, family, career, social, citizen and  other sides to me. In all these areas of my life, I have challenges that crop up every now and then each with their varying degrees of fear.

These challenges are barriers that surmounting them (living above the fear) results in the successful life I want. Success to me is not a state you attain. Its a continuous process. When you tend to see success as a state you attain like having a house or car, then you find dat when u reach that point, if you don't watch yourself, you begin to retrogress. Bin successful will mean me striving to be better than I was yesterday in all areas of my life. With this mindset n its manifestation externally, I know for myself dat I'm a success n people will see it. An illustration of this is that I have just successful risen above d fear of talking about myself!  You should too!!!

OLUCHI

AM I A SUCCESS?

Hmm, Mrs. Adindu has given me a JAMB question to answer o, lol. When I got this topic, the first thing that sprung on my mind was when I chose to feature at the Glo X factor auditions in 2014. 

To be honest, I still do not know why I did that because by all standards, I was not prepared for that kind of stage. Perhaps, I felt bored at home and needed to spray some fun in my life. Anyway, the first stage came and I remember how I dressed that day, ridiculous! When my friend came to pick me, I could never forget her reaction. She said, Öh, I knew you were joking about it. You, X factor? You should have told me before I left my house and I would have gone to see my boyfriend instead.”I allowed her finish her rants and then I picked my purse and said, Ïf you are ready, I am.”She laughed. “Are you joking Mary? Wait a minute, did you have any rehearsals? You think its Babcock? Do you have the slightest idea of how these things work? And hold a sec, are you really going out dressed like this? Well, we eventually left after much arguments. On arrival, I heard voices that threw me off balance at an instance. Of course, I began to second guess myself but I could hold it in. Fortunately, I scaled through the first stage, and the second, and the third and the fourth and the fifth, until I qualified for the finals that was aired. In all of this, I kept gathering momentum or so I thought until the day came. 

As I stood there, before all present and future audience, I knew I had lost it. In a quick flash, I began to curse those who had encouraged me to that level under my breath because I thought this was going to be an international disgrace. Well to cut the long story short, I flopped and was disqualified. I remember  the host presenter holding me and consoling me but I wouldn’t stop sobbing. I got home and for three days and nights I kept crying and beating myself for going to embarrass myself on such a platform but had I known that God had turned my rejection to connection and that the platform was just a steppingstone to what God actually had in store for me, I would have danced. 

Then one faithful evening, my Grandmother of blessed memory walked into my room and saw me weeping. I believe she felt my pain even though I said nothing. She told me the most powerful thing in her own language that changed my definition of success forever. She said, “Mary, if you knew who you were, you wouldn’t shed another tear. You are not just a blessing to this family but to your generation and the world at large. This world should be glad you walked through it. If you knew what you carried, you would understand that you are too big to be belittled. Hold on to God, you are about to be revealed.”

How was I to react to this “old, uneducated, sweet woman”? 

Needless to say, I took whatever she said with a pinch of salt but you see, God doesn’t need a vessel with perfect diction or good experiencial wealth or terrific delivery skills to convey His message sometimes. Oh have I told you how prior to this experience, I had found reasons upon reasons to feel like a failure? How I was lost in my academic trail and almost felt like throwing in the towel? How I would measure my “progress” with that of my mates who left me behind when I had an incidence that claimed my sight? Haha, the devil is a liar! 

Many months passed and I got a call one Sunday evening. The lady at the other end sounded very warm and pois as she presented me with an offer to tell my inspiring story” on an executive platform at the Diaspora Conference, in Abuja. Ah, me? Inspiring keh? Tailess cow? This call must have been misdirected. A week later, the same lady called and asked for my details to book a business class seat for me to Abuja and stressed that I should please send my address. I tried to swallow quick and asked her how she knew me and how she got my number. My fingers froze when she confirmed with me that I featured at the X factor auditions and they just compiled a list of inspiring stories and that I topped it. This couldn’t be wishful thinking, I assured myself. I ran to my Grandma and told her about it. She told me to prepare, wait and watch.

 Nov 20th, I stood before the Senior Special Advicer to the President on Youth Matters and other dignitaries who were present and shared what I thought was the darkest part of my life, what I considered a failure, what I wasn’t proud of, the story of my life, from cradle to moment. I found myself speaking to the parts of people that they never thought existed. I found myself reviving hopes and awakening desires and drives. I returned to Lagos, pondering on the event and I realised that I had just began to fulfil my purpose. I felt within me a satisfaction that was unfamiliar; and that was how my life started. 

You see, my friends, success has nothing to do with external standards; it has everything to do with what you have been called to do, the knowing of that  purpose, the going after that purpose and the God factor. Let me break it down. A lot of us have allowed people, circumstances and the society define success for us. Our generation has a philosophy about success: “money, fame, power and the I’m better than others”standards”. You know what I’m saying?

Success is like happiness. You have to own your own success. You cannot take it away from other people, demanding that they validate your success; your church cannot define success for you, your society cannot define success for you, your money, your job and everything you have cannot define success for you. You’ve got to be responsible and define your own success by yourself. You need to discover and do those things that bring joy into your own heart, independently of life, money, pressure, people and all that stuff. All these things don’t necessarily give you fulfilment. You have to take control over that peace and that joy that live inside of your heart and not inside of your stuff. Little wonder some people have all these things that the society qualifies as success yet they are unhappy. If you can enjoy the journey of success, you will enjoy the destination.

Crucial, you must know what you’re going after. You cannot live your life meandering around and hoping you’d hit something and you say that’s what I was aiming at. You have to have a specific target in mind. 

So in conclusion, first of all, we need to cast down the greatest enemy of success which is the fear of failure.

Secondly, success is the potential destiny of all created things. Every seed has a tree in it and the potential success of that tree is in that seed and that’s the way you are. Whatever you aare born to do and be is in you now and the success of your life depends on you becoming all that’s trapped inside of you.

Third, define your success. Success is the completion and the fulfilment of the original intent and purpose of your existence or why you were created. Success is really very simple. Its you discovering your purpose and then completing it before you die. In other words, success must be measured by why you were created. Success is therefore, purpose fulfilled. Success is not measured by what you’ve done compared to what others have done. 

How then do you measure success? Success is measured by what you’ve done compared to what you should and could have done. In other words, the only people who know how SUCCESSFUL you are, are you and God. That’s why the Bible says the race is not to the swift. You don’t come first because you are ahead. The race is for those who endure to the end; they finish what they start; that’s success. Purpose therefore, is the key to success. 

Heres a statement I found: what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. This simply means that what’s important is within you now regardless of the failures of the past and the fears of the future. God has placed in you everything you need to become all you were born to be and you are carrying it right now. What a tragedy to be successful in the wrong thing. 

Omoyeme. 

SUCCESS IS……

……and I get stuck, because I hear so many voices telling me what they think success should mean to me. They say things that imply that success is money, or success is marriage (especially as a young lady), or success is being a mother, having cars, many friends etc. you would be surprised that some people actually measure success by the likes they get on social media.

Now, by the general ‘world’ standard, I am not doing badly…..I graduated first class from the university, went on to be a lawyer from the very demanding Nigerian Law School (with good grades), got a good job, have a pretty good ministry going, some savings, and yea, I’m not bad looking. So, I try….but just when I am trying to feel ‘success-filled’ someone points to my empty ring finger, or the fact that I have not done my masters (this usually goes with ‘what are you waiting for now??!!!’), where my ministry ought to be or why I still live with my parents instead of on my own (like, excuse me, are you not a Nigerian?). And then my I instantly go from 100 to 0 in five seconds…..or make that two seconds.

So, I had to take out time and actually sit to think of what success is to me….because it’s simply one of those things we don’t consciously define for ourselves, and when we fail to do so, the world gives us a definition which our subconscious begins to accept.
And I came to realise that success, to me, is being content in my lane; not lackadaisical, mind you, but content. It is realising that I am not in a competition or rat race with anyone. I do not live my life or measure my success by anyone’s standards. Rather, I take regular inventories of my life and I ask: Am I where God wants me to be right now? Doing what He wants me to be doing right now? Have I impacted lives? Am I better than who I was yesterday? Am I growing? Am I improving and working towards my goals? Am I learning? Am I fulfilling my purpose in life or taking steps towards that?

I ask myself these questions and find inner peace when I know I am just where God wants for me, or step up when I am lagging behind. I try not to beat myself or be too harsh on myself simply because others are ‘better’ than me in one area or the other. I ensure that I am not unfair to me by comparing my weaknesses with another person’s strength, I mean, where’s the equality in that? I find peace in being me. I enjoy my process, and smile at the big picture I am working towards.
Why is it so important to have a definition of success for yourself?
Simple; because if you don’t, you will be tossed around by other people’s definition, and because people are as different as their expectations, which are always changing, you will never find peace nor fulfilment. You will never enjoy where you are; you will always be a rat in their little rat race show.
I’m sure you don’t want that, so I will ask you, what is success to you?

BOLOGI

My Definition of Success in Life: A LIFE OF IMPACT

Success for me is the ability to discover and live out one’s purpose. It is not just the ability to successfully complete school and get a good job but to be able to live a life that impacts others; that is success. When God created us, he embedded in us certain gifts, talents and personalities that will enable us fulfil our purposes. You can sing; there is a reason for it, you are outspoken; there is a reason for it, you can write; there is a reason for it. We need to discover what God wants us to do with the talents he has given us. Remember the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. One of the lessons we learn from the parable is that success is the ability to use the talent we are given to produce returns for God. We might even be tempted to feel God is partial for given one servant five talents and another one talent but verse 15 of that Chapter said he gave them the talents according to their ability. God knew exactly what he was doing when he was given us our different gifts and talents, let’s not get envious of another person. Discover your talent and utilize it.
I have also discovered that even our personalities where given to us for a purpose. For example, a person who is naturally nice, kind and sympathetic towards others might be created to help people maybe even build an orphanage. Someone who is stern and assertive might be called to help change a negative situation. Let me use my Dad for example, he is stern, meticulous, dogged, I say he is a perfectionist. I can remember when we were growing up, my dad was such a disciplinarian, he never turned a blind eye to any mistakes we made, he corrected it there and then and if it meant him using whip trust me he wouldn’t  hold back. He is currently employed in a University to help ensure sanity among students and ensure quality of work among members of staff in the University- I dare say his personality made way for him. If one dies without utilizing all his potentials, he is unsuccessful. All you have to do is look within-your gift, your talent, your personality and use what you have. As in the words of Myles Munroe, “Die empty”. Do not go to your grave with any untapped potential in you, ensure you impact a life.
Ooops! Did I just do a motivational piece when I am to talk about myself? Yes I did. Meet Deborah Okemiri, the writer. Oh well, I am a lawyer as well but my being a writer makes me believe am toeing the line of success, I feel fulfilled when I get comments and calls from people telling me how they were blessed by my pieces (Chiagoziem should know what I am talking about). I aspire to become a motivational speaker as well. It’s all about making impact, blessing lives. The drive is, when I stand before my maker, I want to be able to say “Lord I used up all the potentials you gave me to bless lives”. 

God help us all.

Am I A Success?

I think writing GMAT is way easier than answering the question ‘am I a success?’ Honestly, my first instinct would be to go and check the dictionary definition of success, you know make this write up sound smart. Then after, I probably would go check some deep quotes by Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, Walt Disney and their contemporaries; copy, paste, indent, put in italics and make bold. For finishing touches I probably would add some psychological reference on success (must probably about how it is about you), then finish up with a scripture. I promise you it would be a work of art; forget the way I am writing now, I would so sugar coat and manipulate the words that when I am done, you would be in such an emotional state and the only question that would resound in your mind would be ‘am I a success?’ But that would kill the essence of this ministry wouldn’t it? This isn’t meant to touch your feelings, emotions or mind, it’s meant to minister to your spirit and for that reason alone, I will be true to myself and to you… What I am doing right now- writing, ministering, blessing others- is my definition of success.

Rewind time, like 5 years back, nah that’s too far, let’s say 3 years back (that’s better) I would have told you that success involved a good paying job/business, a car, a house, beautiful wardrobe, ability to meet up to your basic necessities and still have extra for cinema and vacation; at least that was the beginning. Let’s not forget the career growth, the recognitions and awards. Yep that was my definition of success, the perfect life, neatly wrapped up in a box. Boy was I wrong… at least that was the wrong definition for me, maybe it works for someone else but not for me and I’ll start telling you why, by telling you a story of a friend of mine.

He was (yes was) an amazing person. He wasn’t too good looking, actually, he was not fine at all but there was something about his personality that would make you smile. He radiated this aura that made you feel alive, comfortable and at peace. He was bold, compassionate, focus driven, a man of truth, a man of integrity and of course the best part, had an airtight relationship with God, not even the devil could divide them (make we no come add man for the matter). He spent time every morning with God praying, then he began his day; focused on making a difference in everybody’s life by telling them about God, teaching them about God’s love. Yep I can summarise that my dear friend was an evangelist, took upon the great commission with zeal. But (yep there is a but) my dear friend was poor; feeding issues and housing issues where his first problem and it want going to get better for him, because he wasn’t a banker or a doctor or lawyer like some of his friends he mentored and taught, no my dear friend was into crafting, he was a builder…. Now that I think about it, it’s funny, he was a builder of things and men LOL!!! The silver  lining was that he had no wife or kids, so he might as well have been fasting all day. Back to the story, he didn’t care what he didn’t have physically, he did what he could with what he had spiritually, till the day he died. The cause of his death, the friends and people he took care of, He got blamed for what they did wrong and was killed. Would you say he was successful? I know many wouldn’t, broke, unmarried, unemployed, broke… but I know He was because on the day he died, He said IT IS FINISHED!! And right now, I imagine that as He ascended to heaven, God told Him well done my good and faithful servant.

I am not saying we are all called to be pastors or evangelist NO!!! yes we are all called to preach the gospel, but we can do so in our respective fields. Luke was a physician, peter a fisherman and paul a lawyer, yet they reached out to everyone telling them about God. The first thing I have learnt about success, is are you doing what called as called you to do? Peter was fishing, living his purpose when Jesus called him out. Are you a banker because of the Nigerian economy, or a lawyer/doctor because it’s a family tradition or an economist because school fees are cheaper? Or are you any of those professions because God led you there. I watched a video recently, it was about judgement day and in that clip a pastor was called an accountant and an accountant called a pastor, because of their failure to know their purpose, they missed out on the people they were to save and that was their issue, they succeeded according to world standard but failed according to God’s standard (http://bit.ly/2jX0gOt extracted from the book ‘Driven by eternity’ by John Bevere).

Second thing, are you preaching/teaching the gospel in your field? Or are you just going through life, complaining like every Nigerian. Are you declaring the glory of the Lord or proclaiming to your problems just like the world?

I started out as an art student, then went on to study maths (in university) and then ended up a lawyer. The amazing thing is I am not practicing; God is leading me in another direction. I am broke, with no job, no source of constant income, a business I just started that is draining me, I cant get my nails done, let’s not enter hair matter or clothes, I cant feed properly, my family is growing through lots of issues and to the world especially my dear family, I am doing nothing with myself, I am a failure, a shame to my family. After all the money spent and this is the best I can come up with? But to God, I am a success in progress and honestly, I just learnt that. My life is no longer packed and wrapped in a little box but scattered in the word. In these days of unemployment I have chosen to sit an hear God clearly on my steps; it isn’t easy, I get frustrated, I cry but when I hear God say ‘this is the way walk in it’ I know I am going the right way and when doubt comes He sends the likes of Mrs Adindu, to tell me to write and minister, that is my confirmation.

Am I a Success? HECK YEAH!!! I am working on being who God wants me to be, to do what He wants me to do and on the way I am proclaiming that HE IS GOD!!!! People may say I am not successful that’s okay, Jesus went through it for about 33 years then in 3 days His story changed, in a few years my business will be a success (in fact I would have moved on to another), I will have that car, that house and of course the beautiful wardrobe. I will have more than enough to meet up to my basic necessities and for the others around me and still have extra for cinema and vacation; and that is just the beginning. I will grow in my career and field and men will give, me recognitions and awards but in me I will know that I was a success long before that.

Bunmi.

HANDLING MARRIAGE PRESSURE

Honestly, I wouldn’t count myself to have faced any significant marriage pressures from family members. Jokingly, the pressure is more from friends and few extended family members (and it has not been overwhelming really). Albeit, I am not naïve to the fact that people do face marriage pressures, this is experienced by both men and women alike. And definitely, it can emanate into desperation, frustration and their other brothers.

Hence, I could say that my limited exposure to such pressures is funded by family’s awareness of my aspirations. In other words, they are in the know of what I would like to achieve per 'season'. Also, we often chat about my boo and our goals, I guess that has mitigated the pressure.

As such, I wouldn’t be wrong to suggest that involvement of one’s family members with one's aspirations is a good way to get-by the marriage pressures. Although, some might not reason along, but it should surely lessen the pressures.  Likewise, it could be as simple as informing them of one's limited preparation for marriage and its demands. Or perhaps, discuss the lingering issues around the fact that a boo/bae is not forthcoming. I believe information can go a long way. And it gives room for counseling and advice rather than pressures.

On another hand, it is commented that being idle makes the pressures to thrive. Most often, when the pressure messages are sent, it is by giving it a second thought that registers the message in our hearts and informs our decision making. Therefore, I would say one should get busy adding value to one’s life, pursuing one's dreams and aspirations, position one’s self in such a way that would attract a potential suitor. In summary, we should familiarize ourselves with the verses of Proverbs 31. Aside from the fact that it is often preached about, it is highly necessary.

Also, it is suggested that relocation at times could be a way out of marriage pressures. That is, moving away from the environment or the things that instigate such pressures.

Likewise, I find it interesting that some ladies/men are the ones pressurizing themselves. Perhaps by virtue of their friends being married or too much watching of Nollywood movies... Lol As an example, I never gave a thought to getting married until a hand full of my friends started getting married. But that was not an excuse to pressurize myself into marriage in any way. This circumstance is a bit trickier based on the fact that one is the author of his/her pressure.  Thus, I feel learning from the horrible testimonies of those that married based on the pressures they experienced would be of significance.

Therefore, the key message really is that being married does not in itself give fulfillment in life.  So I think it is best to have a mind-set of getting involved in things that add value to one’s life,  then marriage can be introduced.

Ifeoluwa K

LETS GET PRACTICAL...

Honestly, when I hear about people being pressured by their families to get married it sounds strange to me because I have not for once experienced such a thing...good or bad? I really do not know. For those that are going through family pressures I think some basic things would help you deal with such issues.

 

1. Be independent- now independence here does not mean abandoning your parents or other members of your family, NO! It means do your own stuff. During service year I heard of ladies saying after service they are moving back to their parent's house and most are moving back to do nothing. That, my friends is not the way to go. Pursue your goals and ideas, land that job, be financially independent, move out and learn to live on your own. With time they will learn to trust you and respect your choices. Be Independent!

 

2. Be positive- don't let negativity get to you, ignore side comments because you are wonderfully made, hand crafted by God himself so you don't have problems and you aren't in competition with anyone. When the time is right you will settle down with your better half.

 

3. Be true to yourself- this is a step further from being positive, are you of age? Yes, are you getting older?yes yes, do you need a husband? Yes yes yes! God did not create us to be alone even the bible says none shall lack her mate... and if your argument is - maybe not everyone is destined to marry, errmm... Sorry sister if you were in that category you will know by now because God will tell you himself...Pls be true to yourself.

 

And Oh for crying out loud! Don't say you are praying for two years, give oga or madam a chance. When your family sees that you are in a serious relationship pressures will die a natural death...

Let's be practical.

 

Cheers!

 

Osekita K.

‘EVICTION DATE’

My mum can be really hilarious. On one of her hilarious days, she declared that she was giving all of us ‘eviction dates’ from her husband’s house. What’s more? It doesn’t mean you get to rent your own place, especially for me, the daughter; no! It means I would be evicted from the Alli’s house into the husband’s house. Even more interesting, mine is fast approaching – 14^th November, 2017 (yes, your eviction date is your birthday on a certain year of her choice).

Now, that’s my mother, most mothers are ‘marriage-hungry’, anyways, right? Well, my situation shifted gears one evening when I was being typical: in my room, on my beloved bed, with a book (or movie, can’t remember right now), and my dad comes in, says he wants to talk to me. We go to the parlor, and if you have lived under your parents, you would definitely relate when I say I was racking my poor head for any possible recent wrongs, and then I stopped, jaw-droopingly shocked when my father asked ‘so, are you in a relationship?’ I wasn’t, so I answered in the negative. He went on to ask accompanying questions like ‘why?’ and ‘you know you can talk to us, right?’ And then he capped it up with ‘we just want to know how to direct our prayers. I am not worried, I am just concerned’. Trust me, when your DAD asks these, you know it’s getting real.

Finally, mix that with friends’ parents, aunties, an elderly relative I call grandpa, my grandma, and you are beginning to get my picture. And, I promise you, I’m not even that old!

I do know, however, that it is love and genuine good concern that makes them do this. Agreed, but sometimes, it can be a bit….err….much, not to mention annoying. So, how do I handle this pressure? Especially with my eviction date coming closer….

First, I had to talk to myself and do a little renewing of my mind. I told myself the truth; I do want to get married, and soon too, but I refused to be pressured. I reminded myself that all these family members showing concern for my biological clock would not be the ones to live with that man. I told me that divorce was not an option. I discussed with myself how there really is more to life than marriage and more to me than being someone’s wife, so instead of whining, I better go about enjoying this phase of my life, and doing those things I can do now, while prepping for the next phase. I knew what I wanted, so I knew I had to be patient, and wait wise and strong.

And then, I had a talk with my mum. I reminded her of the fact that all these loving questions could come off as pressures, of course, she doesn’t mean them like that, but they could come off that way. I told her I wanted to marry too, so there was no need for constant reminder. Sometimes I jokingly warned both of them to ‘calm down jor’……and for all the other relatives, I simply tell them that this means their prayer game is not strong enough! (yep, turn the tables and make it about them, with a smile on your face. Lol).

Finally and most importantly, I talk to God. I tell Him the truth about I feel, especially those particular times like these when everyone has a boo they are loving up to, I remind Him that He put the desire in me, and it is a Godly one, so I refuse to be bothered. I ask Him to help me not feel pressured and definitely NOT to get it wrong. I tell Him I want His will, so He should help me, I tell Him to help me know who and when….and then I laugh and tell him to however, give the brother a little shove if he’s just somewhere being slow J….so I don’t end up being homeless after my eviction.

So, dear single lady (and man, cause I know the pressure is not one sided), please, above all else, remember that it be better to wait and marry right than to rush and marry wrong. Divorce is not an option. Some were pressured and are living in regret. No one’s pressure is worth your happiness and fulfilment. Kindly remember your worth.

And finally, don’t just sit there in the name of ‘waiting’! NO!!! Get off that bed and do something, keep busy, build your career/business, improve yourself, grow, stretch, live and enjoy this phase, cause very soon, my darling, you won’t be able to just get up and go see a movie with the girls; you’d need to ask permission from that hubby you’re praying so desperately for……..just ask Chichi ;)

Bologi…

SELF-MOUNTED PRESSURE

“You better do and leave my husband’s house for me,

go to your own husband’s house”

 

My family has always been a support system; I have not been particularly pressured by family to marry. Although, indirectly I know they desire I introduce someone to them. I can remember one time after I came back from my service year and wanted to gist my father about my experience; he was all ears to hear about a relationship. How did I know? When he mentioned “if there is someone in your life, tell us, you are old enough” and sincerely that was not even part of the gist. The most pressure come from outside; relatives, even church members.

From my normal way of observing, I have noticed that so many ladies face marriage pressure from family members. There was one I witnessed that even prompted me to begin to write to single ladies. This lady who is younger than I am was going through pressure from her family. I witnessed a conversation between she and her mum. “You better do and leave my husband’s house for me, go to your own husband’s house” her mum said. She replied “I should go and propose to a man baa?” “No, you girls should remain in your condition” her mum referred to me and her daughter (the single ladies). All that kept ringing in my head from that moment was “condition! …your condition!” This has led the lady to go as far as talking a guy into a relationship- What a small world! How they never know you know someone that knows someone… lol. This lady I am talking about was just in her very early twenties; you can imagine what ladies in their thirties and forties go through. Trust me most of those married persons that mount pressure on you to marry don’t have their marriages all figured out.

There is also a young girl I know of who is barely 19 years old, in her third year at the university who recently got married. Her reason was that her mum got married that early too including her elder sister. I definitely pray that her marriage works out well but I sense pressure there.

Some of the pressures single ladies go through are self-mounted pressures; our friends are getting married- “Oh my! When will it be my turn?” you attend a wedding laughing and dancing and come back crying and brooding. When my best friend got married, I could swear that her wedding did not put me under any sort of pressure to marry. Little did I know that I unconsciously heaped pressure on myself. “Of course I should be the next”, I imagined. So I just believed that the guy I was dating at the time was my husband to be. I took all kinds of trash from him and hoped I could change him to suit my ideal husband. Yimu! I have realized that everyone has a different destiny, mine is different from my friend’s. So I should not think everything will happen alike for us.

Remember, those persons that pressure you to marry will not go in with you to the marriage, they will leave you to your fate right after your wedding ceremony. Therefore, you have to determine not to allow the pressure get to you. I draw insight from the words of Tom Robbins “Stay committed to your decisions but stay flexible in your approach”. In handling marriage pressure, there are times you have to be stern and other times to be gentle, there are times to respond and time to ignore and there is always a time to pray. Whatever you do, ensure you do not make any decision out of pressure.

Peace…

BLINKING...

Wk 2 , Day 1- Me vs My Family

Hmmmmmmm, Nigerian families amaze me, first you are not allowed to talk to boys; focus on your studies, read your books, graduate, don’t enter a relationship- then on graduation day, next thing is marriage… wait where is the boy supposed to come from? The books??? Smh, seriously it’s amazing... but my own story doesn’t go that way. In fact mine started with, do not marry!!! Strange I know but let me explain.

See my family is full of broken marriages here and there, so the belief now is that it is better not to marry, or if you want to marry wait till your older, like 30. That is after you have had a stable job, accommodation and you can completely fend for yourself. So for me to be discussing marriage, I absolutely don’t know what I am talking about… ‘keep quiet and focus on being better’...

Then we came to the point of ‘you cannot marry a Christian’. My family is predominantly Muslim, so you can imagine; and we still haven’t resolved that issue, we are now in the issue of he isn’t rich enough, he doesn’t befit you, he doesn’t have what he needs to provide for you, if you marry you will be the man, he doesn’t dress well.

It started getting to me, I was starting to get frustrated and angry, at some point I almost said “I no do again”, I was not weak, far from it; but words are seeds and they always harvest, so be careful what you allow people plant in your mind. I began to break and was unhappy, the relationship now seemed tedious until I learnt four secrets; First, have reliable people to talk to, people that have gone through it or people you know will support you. Secondly enjoy your relationship, don’t let the pressures from outside get to you guys. Thirdly, be focused, stand on your conviction don’t waiver, work towards the end goal- marriage. Lastly and the most important pray, if need be add fast and stand on the Word, declare the Word like your life depends on it, because it does.

Let me be honest, it doesn’t matter the form the pressure comes, what you need to know is that there will be pressure and you must not allow it get to you. Rather than allow people give you a cardiac arrest, quickly arrest the situation. Yes you will want to scream, yes you will be tired, yes you will cry but you know what, it’s okay! You can but as you do so, focus your eyes on God. That is the true fight of faith; no matter the pressure, you just know God has done it.

And lest I forget, don’t react to the pressure, rather act on the Word. If you react to the pressure, chances are, you will be acting on emotion and you will definitely make a mistake. Act on the Word.

Bunmi

I WAS STURBBON MEHN...

Sometimes we ladies can be hard headed about issues of relationship especially when it's with someone we totally adore.
The bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers but we often times think it only refers to people of a different faith. I can tell you as a matter of fact that you can be unequally yoked with someone from the same faith...when you are serious and on fire for the Lord and you find yourself in love or in a relationship with someone who is a “Christian” but won't give the things of God the time of day, you can readily see that that relationship is going nowhere.

Now here's my personal experience while I was in a similar kind of relationship. We dated on and off for 4years, we had eyes for each other, to people around us we were a match made in heaven. We did everything together (everything minus...ehen you know what), people were seriously rooting for us but as the relationship progressed, I started to have checks in my spirit. I was just growing spiritually, discovering things about myself I never thought existed. I was seriously enjoying my discussions with the Holy Spirit but  didn’t want to let bae go. He became a weight but i held onto him tightly, even played the role of the Holy Spirit several times in his life trying to get him to be 'serious' with God so that God would approve...hahah The first time I broke it off (we broke up three times), I was heartbroken, felt like someone close to me died. I struggled so much that when the opportunity to get back together presented itself, I jumped at it with open arms.

To cut a very tiresome story short, I had no peace but I allowed my feelings to cloud my judgement, I felt God will wait for me or pity me and allow me be with bae... The young man eventually broke it off with me, I just knew that it was the only way I could escape from myself. It took me a while to move on cos I thought I couldn’t live without him but I did.

So dearie, if God is telling you to leave that relationship please do because it’s really not worth it. God has your back and for me the Israelites had nothing on me in terms of stubbornness but I learnt the hard way.

P.S Because I left that one, God sent “The One” almost immediately, and we tying the knot very soon…yippee.

God bless you.

Kunmi

MR ALMOST PERFECT...

Testing the mic 1-2. Hello everyone *clears throat* Can I have your attention please. You are about to read about my relationship with my "Almost Mr Perfect" and errrr...okay yes! I'm about to write. (getting an introduction is a struggle oh). You know what, permit me to just say, as you read, may God bless you (I know that line is clichè, but manage it biko)

I was in a relationship with this 'Mr. Almost Perfect' I could score him a 9/10 (I'm not giving him 10/10 because he's human and cannot be perfect. So I'll leave it at 9) He was handsome, super romantic, he had a profession to die for, he was a giver e.t.c... However my mind wasn't at peace and I didn't know why. Everything on the obvious was fine, infact very fine but I just never had inner peace. I had a feeling (right now, I will call that the holy spirit) that we were not meant to be together and if we continued something regrettable might happen. Hmmm see confussion, so if I want to break up with him now, what will I say is the reason? Holy spirit, feelings *rolls eyes* During conversations, the moment he mentioned anything about marriage, my heart will beat as fast as a talking drum. I kept on making statements like " so  when you get married... or so when I get married..." but he will correct me by saying "When WE get married" In my mind I'll say ehnehn and then scratch that my head that never itches me. I battled with this for a while. Ermm did I mention that his christian game wasn't so strong, as in he was a christian at least he went to church once in a while but not a christian christian like that (I'm sure you get) He wasn't the kind of christian I always wanted to date and eventually get married to but I kept hoping that he would 'change' one day in his walk with God.

 

Then one day I went to church for a program. I was still in the University and it was a retreat for church workers. while praying, the lady anchoring the prayer session said she had a something to tell a lady but she didnt know who it was. She said there was a lady  there that was in a relationship but didn't have inner peace and knew she wasn't meant to remain in that relationship. She added that God told her to tell the person to opt out! and she kept repeating it... Ghenghen! Could that be me? I opened my eyes and stared at her. I stopped praying for some minutes and kept wondering, I didn't know her from Adam and she didn't know me either. Well I'm not the only lady here...I thought. It can be someone else. But the message felt really direct . After minutes of doubting and dodging I just told God that if the message was really for me, I was handing it over to him. I wasn't going to initiate the break up so He should do it in a clean way without heartbreaks and mess.

To cut the story short, we broke up a week later over something really trivial. Was it difficult getting over him? Yes. How difficult...very difficult. It didn't feel good but I had my peace from that day. No talking drum heartbeats, no fear of future occurences etc. So hey! unlike other stories, I didn't get to learn the hard way and I'm so convinced that if we didnt break up then, something really sad would have happened

I pray my story encourages someone to take the bold step in that relationship because I am sure there are people in similar situations. I must add that sometimes, when the guilt of "why did you allow such 'beautiful' relationship to end" tries to set in, I shake it off quickly because I remember I handed it over to God and I didn't have to do anything to end it.

 

Finally my people, one scripture I love so much is "My thought towards you are of good, not of evil to give you a hope and a future" If God alters a situation in your life or tells you to do something, whether or not you know the reason, whether it feels good or not, whether you see reasons or not, always obey and handover things to him because that way, you can be sure you'll never go wrong.

 

O. O

IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN LOVE

Noting the signs written in black and white but the ‘blueness’ of the sky and the ‘redness’ of the rose were too amazing to let go. Salut a tous…hehehe just thought to start with some naughty rhymes.

So here I was with this tall black looking guy for roughly four years. You know that feeling you have when you are showered with a lot of affections. It was just too amazing to trade. But did that make me happy? I soon discovered the answer to that. With advice from my brothers on ensuring that I  guide myself against emotional exploitation and also my pastors’ advice ( sure you wondering pastor slf follow advice...), yes oo...the relationship had not reached the threshold of marriage but I guess some people were able to read what was behind my ‘smiles’.

Not mincing words he was a ‘spoiler’. He really had those romantic tactics and ideas that will make most ladies build their castles in his heart. Just as a way of intro, we met through a mutual friend...who had been interested in dating him but he wasn’t just attracted to her. See me feeling like I have achieved what someone else couldn’t get. He showered me with gifts, he even bought me my matriculation dress. In the first one year, I already met his family and they all loved me. Mind you, my friends liked him too. He was quite jovial and fun to relate with. Albeit, I discovered that you might find love even in the places your friends don’t approve of, which has been a recent experience of mine. Let’s keep that aside for now. We even had a similar name, that made me love him more... just one of those dumbest excuse to remain in a ‘broken relationship’.

By the way am sure you must be wondering by now what could be wrong with the picture I have been painting. The fact is that it was never love, I realized I never loved him and he didn’t love me either. It was just part of those lust/infatuation stories we hear about. How did I get to that conclusion...hmm… Love is never violent and love doesn’t hurt.

This super guy had a terrible temper. He could be violent when he gets angry, throwing things around and can hit just about anything ‘which includes me’. Off the top of my head, I know I received at least two hot slaps in the course of that relationship. Hilariously, you can imagine that slap you get and the guy is like ‘I was just joking with you, is that how to slap someone’. Shey, I should have run for my dear life early enough. Unfortunately, I became scared along the way. This was not that fear of not getting a ‘new boo’, in my case I was scared of him because he became a ‘tyrant’.

The relationship moved from “love” to the threats to never leave. Don’t forget my brother's advice on avoiding exploitation. This was one of those cases of emotional blackmail. He threatened to even kill us both if I try to leave him, in fact, he threatened all sort. I became helpless and very vulnerable at a point. I couldn’t stand him anymore, but I couldn’t leave either. Trust me I knew him well enough to be certain that he meant those threats...

To cut the story short, I found my voice to speak to my brothers, guess what...they were so mad at me...what a ‘mumu’ I was. One thing led to another, I finally broke the ties. Guess what? Sometime ago he chatted me up and asked if he was a good boyfriend, apparently, he was having issues in a new relationship. Biko...what was I supposed to say (question for the gods). Honestly, how the whole breaking up went I can’t even explain, I doubt there was any ‘I BREAK UP WITH YOU’ message or calls. One thing I sure remember is that I had intensely prayed about it, and that was it.

My story my lesson...most of us just hold on to the intangibles...I look back at his pictures sometimes and am like how could I have dated this guy. Like the previous post, there is that intuition already that this thing wouldn’t work. By the way, I forgot to add, he gave me a ring during the relationship and just like the stories we hear, he demanded to have all his gifts back. Ehhen...no wonder my developed dislike for ‘guys’ gifts’. Nevertheless, I knew in my mind I couldn’t even think of getting married to such a dude. I was more hurt because I felt ‘used’ (not in the sexual way), exploited and blackmailed. I could have given my energy to something of value. Although, I gave myself some healing retreat but the lesson was learned in a hard way.

So what’s key here...having a romantic boo is not an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship. Abusive marriages pretty start from abusive relationships. Love does not hurt mehn...Just close your eyes to it and move out of that abusive relationship, pray for strength if you need it... by the way you will get hurt either ways, so why not do it now.

Efair 

 

I Really Should Have Just Listened...

So my dear Mrs Adindu is telling me about me joining in being a blessing to singles by writing on some topics and the young lady, is giving me this info less than a week to the deadline. I shake my head in utter amazement and tell her to send me the topics, as she sends it on Whatsapp, the first one hits home, and I vividly remember almost being run down by a car driven by the love of my life, and I had a smile on my face, memories are amazing, but I get ahead of myself let’s start from the very beginning.

It was love at first sound, if there is one thing a man could use to steal me away, it would be an amazing singing voice. Chai!!! And this guy had it. You won’t understand, I was OBSESSED with him even before I met him…. Yes oh my sister, all this love and I never even meet the guy, so imagine when all things worked for my good and I finally met the dude it was sometime in December, less than 2 weeks we started dating…. Please, please, please, don’t judge me, he was a catch, husband material wrapped in a beautiful package with bow waiting to be unwrapped and I was the lucky recipient of such a gift… or so I thought.

See my life was about this guy, I was obsessed with making life so blissful for him, that I forgot my own life, and that was the problem. I would save up everything to get him gifts. I would try to make sure I made it for all his events sometimes even give my car so he could execute them well. I would spend credit calling to check up, when he fell ill I dragged my friends to go see him (yes I did), I listened to his problems and tried to solve them. The issue was not that I was doing these things (because I am a naturally obsessive person with my friends), the problem was that I was not receiving in return, worse off my efforts were never enough. I was never called back and my calls were being seen as disturbing, my gifts were not always up to standard but I never got gifts, my friends were a bother and my family had issues, I fell ill and rather than come check on me, my friend got insulted for calling him to tell him I as ill, my car was available but he always had an excuse why I couldn’t use his, my friends made themselves uncomfortable for him because of me, his friends cared nothing about me, he didn’t come for my first ever play, neither did he read my write ups (except they were about him) but I had to make all his events… Once my friends and I made it late, he was so upset he almost ran me over with a car! Let me top it all up, in my stupidity I always defended him, there was always a reason he was acting up, it was never his fault.

Trust the friends that I have, especially lawyer, writer and poet Bologi, she dished out the truth, it was my choice to either listen or not and for a while I didn’t listen, until I was tired of being a fool. See I don’t blame him for anything, I take the blame (no, this is not an excuse) because if I had only understood that my friends were just saying – “if you matter to someone, everything about you is important, no matter how inconsequential”. If I had calmed down to listen, I would have heard them say that a relationship is a two way thing; two people giving and receiving, two people building each other for each other.

It took A crushed self-esteem, emotional battery and spiritual derailment for my eyes to open and realise that I am more than this. If I was in primary school, I would end my composition with ‘had I known’ but as a Christian, I would rather say I count it all joy (James 1:2) why??? Well, first the bible says so. Secondly, I am able to laugh about it, share it and use it to bless others not to go the same way I did.

BUNMI
 

I TOLD ME SO…..

So, the memo I got was to tell you a little something about something that happened to me for which I was forewarned but didn’t listen. But, first, introduction…..Hi, I will be sharing a part of my life and lessons with you weekly for the next..errr….7 weeks or so. My darling friend realized that I’m such a great writer, and she should have me here… I play too much though, let me get serious for a few minutes….

 

Once I thought about what I was to share on this, the first particular lesson that came to mind was something I warned me about, not something people warned me about. And I think this was so because at the time, I didn’t have a lot of Godly people around me, but that’s gist for another time. And also, because God had just started dealing with me and I was beginning to respond, slowly; so what I say I warned me about, God actually did the warning.

 

I had been in an on-and-off relationship for about 2 years 8 months (post official break-up, that is), and we were about to begin another ‘on’ session, which looked like it was going to be more serious, seeing as we were both done with university, at the time. Things were going well emotionally but I had a struggle. Remember I had said that this was when God had started dealing with me personally, or shall I say, this was when I was receiving Grace to respond to Him. And this my Boo at the time, was nowhere around this junction I was. Let me pause and say at this point, that what is really important in looking out for spirituality in a spouse is not so much of the hours spent praying and ‘kabashing’ at the time, but the person’s hunger and quest for God and for growth….back to me and ‘Boo’. Boo was not in the place but I would intentionally try and initiate ‘Christian’ conversation, say I was going to one fellowship or the other and all of that. Gradually, he said he would go with me, once, twice, three times…..but it never went beyond that.

 

If I am truthful to myself, in retrospect, I would admit that I knew in my spirit that this would not work. But, three things: I was not sensitive to the Spirit enough and was scared; it was hard to pull away from someone that knew the most of me the past 4 years or thereabout; plus, I’m not even gonna lie to you, this Boo be fiiiinneee and we did look really good together (talk about superficial reasons. Lol). So, needless to say, I had no peace. I wanted to know that he was wanting to grow for real and not just playing the part and going because I was going….I knew the truth but it was hard to let go. So, against what I knew to do, I kept at it, waiting for a magic-wand-change, which never happened. Of course, all this while, feelings and emotions kept increasing and it was getting even harder to detach.

 

But after all the hide and seek, I made a decision to really know what the truth was (stupid, right? Cause, I really already knew). I will spare you the long details of this, but long and short, I came to hard and heart breaking realization that this new ‘dedication’ was barely skin deep. He wasn’t ‘ready’, and my staying there would only stagnate my growth. Lord, I went through heartbreak again; this time, heartbreak I could have prevented and started recovering from, and it was haaarrrddddd!

This could have been prevented. The pain and hurt I went through; the process of detaching myself all over again, all because I failed to listen to the truth I knew deep down, and my lack of peace.
 

Yours may not come just like mine, it could be through external Godly counsel, the witness of your spirit, convictions, lack of peace and several other means. I will tell you, from my experience, it will pay you to listen. That relationship you feel you cannot do without now, best realize that you can, and if you listen and do the needful now, you will begin your healing process, and you will be the better for it. Trust me on this!

BOLOGI
Alleeebee.wordpress.com
 

I SAW THE SIGNS... BUT HOPED AGAINST HOPE

                                                     MOMENT OF REALIZATION

Have you ever been in a situation where you saw a friend about to commit relationship suicide or blunders, then you took it upon yourself to try to "save them" and somehow, you become the bad person?  Or the reverse, where it is you who knew all along what the signs were saying- "this thing shalln't work" but you kept on loving to the end and hoping for the best.

The truth is I have come to understand that for such friends, you just let them come to their own moments of realization. Why? Well, because you can't beat them, convince them or convict them...everybody comes to that point one way or the other. You know what they say- experience is the best teacher. I however prefer to learn from the other people's experiences...but ehn.. that's just me heheheh. But in the interim, your prayers for them will go along way thoh.

So this week, some singles are going to be sharing their "moments of realization" in relationships...past relationships. I hope you learn one or two things and I pray God gives you the strength to do the needful. Remember, if the foundations be faulty....

"I am in front of your house, return the phone and every other thing I bought for you, I am waiting and don’t waste my time!"

I dropped my phone rather abruptly,, my head spun 360, I could practically hear my heart beat. My brother asked “what did he say?” I couldn’t find the words to answer him, I just heard myself saying “I don’t want any scene”... Then quickly without thinking I put together the dress and the shoe he got for me in the bag and told my brother to transfer all my files from my phone and format the phone. When I realized there was no much time, I told him to just format the phone, remove my sim card and follow me. We walked to the gate and I saw a tall dark guy dressed in boxers and polo walking towards us and muttering some  words beneath his breath. He dragged the bag from me, collected the phone from my brother and stormed off. I could not believe I dated this guy that seemed literarily mental. I thought I was dreaming. How did I get into this mess in the first place?

He approached me for the first time at a church premise and at that time I was done with school but had not been in any relationship (which I thought was long overdue). He was tall, dark and handsome and I was excited he spoke to me. We were also of the same tribe, somewhat of the same faith and he had a good profession, Perfect!..or so I thought. We got so close quickly because of his constant calls. He had lost his mum some years earlier and had just lost his dad when we met so I felt pity for him. He was also very caring. I did not have to ask him directly for my needs, he read in between lines. For example, at the time we met I was using a Nokia touch light phone but when he perceived I needed a smart phone, he took it upon himself to purchase one for me.

He was all over me with marriage but I kept telling him that it was too early; some friends had told me that my relationship with him was going so fast. Moreover, my dad had his reservations about him; Dad felt he seemed domineering and did not act conventional but I turned deaf ears. I saw him as God-sent.

It was not long and I started noticing the unconventional attitude with the fact that he used a touch light phone and did not see the need for a car even though he was doing very well at work or so I thought. Well, that didn’t seem to be much of a problem but when he kept condemning those that used smart phones as unserious and those that used cars as extravagant, it became an issue. The fact that I used a smart phone also became a problem; he kept asking me who I chatted with, always suspecting it had to be a boy. He called me constantly to monitor my movement. He hated the fact that I did my youth service far away from him, so he mounted pressure on me to relocate to the state he lived so that I can live with him on weekends. One very annoying part was that he wanted e to get pregnant for him before we got married; he wanted to dominate my life...I saw the signs...

There were times he broke up with me because I missed his calls. One time he called me on a friday and scolded me for intentionally switching off my phone so he could not reach me, before I could even explain, he already drew conclusions and broke up with me and of course I had to be the one to call and try to get us back together. He handled issues in awkward ways, never addressed the issue at hand instead and sometimes he will refer to things he had bought for me, insinuating that it should make up for whatever wrong he did.,. yet another sign.

There were lots of issues in my house during the period we dated, My dad did not like him but my mum supported me, she always defended him before my dad which caused a lot of issues. I noticed that whenever he visited my house, he will sit in the living room with my parents hang his leg on the center table and talked to my dad like his contemporary.  My brother also liked him, so he gave my brother a spare key to his house. I found out later that he made my brother wash his clothes and clean his house...Everything  soon changed when he scolded my brother like a thief and snatched his key from him because my brother used his phone. ...I still hoped.

What broke the camel’s back was the day my mum called me and said “I thought you said this guy is a Christian, I thought you said…” She said she and my dad had a discussion with him, as my dad’s intention was to get to know him better . But I was told he displayed all kinds of irritable attitudes in their presence.  He was disrespectful and while talking he sounded sullen and stood up a couple of times acting rather wild and uncontrollably. From the discussion, it was deduced that he was domineering, ungodly, and had a fetish backgrounds. All these I was too "in love" to see.

After the talk, he called me and just kept talking about the meeting. To him it was a happy and successful meeting (of course my parents did not show him their disgust). I tried really hard to be calm. When I told him that I disliked what he did, he broke up with me and that was the end for me!

Two weeks later he called me to return everything he had bought for me. I could not believe my ears...I didn't know things like that happen in real life... and yes he shamelessly came himself to collect the things he bought for me. Even after this whole events, he had the temerity to keep calling me, "to see if we could work things out". He assaulted me with series of calls and text messages until I threatened to sue him... Hmm. I honestly wanted to title this post "Deliverance from the shackles of hell" but I thought that will be rather dramatic...But you'll agree with me that God really saved me!

Lessons Learnt

ü Do not be desperate for anything not even a husband

ü Do not trade your singlehood for anything less than a true man

ü Do not feel indebted to a man because of the things he provides, you can get them yourself

ü Do not enter into a relationship out of sympathy; don’t try to act like his mother

ü A man that disregards your parents will not treat you any better

ü Do not give your body to a man that is not your husband else you’ll live with regrets

ü Do not let a man pressurize you to marriage

ü It’s never too late to quit a bad relationship before you say "I do"

ü A relationship that leads to so much discord in your family is not God ordained

ü Pray to God and adhere to His instructions concerning your spouse to be...

God bless you and give you the courage to act wisely!

Debby -lifeofasinglewoman.blogspot.com.ng

IF THE FOUNDATIONS BE FAULTY...

Hi pips, happy new year and month. I have missed you guys. Someone may be wondering if I'm still on the radar, well I still very much am... Sometimes you need to get off the streets, do a retreat so you can give yourself a treat... you that feeling when you need to retire to refire...ok that was for free. Lol.

 

But really I came into this new year very hot. I was literally spitting fire. I had tons of lessons and discoveries to share, but at this moment I feel redirected...for good.

 

For some reasons, I have had to suppress the urge to write about singles-related stuff. In my mind I was keeping things in perspective, because the blog was (in my mind too) strictu sensu marriage centered. However, I have had to be reminded time and time again that the success or failure of marriage is often times a product of what we do or fail to do as singles. In other words, your life as a single man/woman is the foundation upon which your marriage is built.

 

Let's talk about foundations a bit.  With a building Engineer in my face 24/7, I practically am an engineer by association. So in the course of my engineering (lol) I have learnt a little about foundations of a building. There are various types of foundations for different kinds of building structures, also taking the varying kinds of soils into consideration. For instance, a duplex will definitely not have the same foundation as a bungalow, and a soil that is water-logged will require more reinforcement than soils that are not.

 

Another thing about foundations is that they take a lot of time and money. Typically, it is believed that some foundations take up to 33% of the building cost while some take as much as 80%. Ehen, it now makes sense! No wonder some folks that year needed to go and "reinforce" financially after the foundation before continuing the other parts of the house. This is because the foundation is key. When the foundation caves in, it destroys not just the investment on the house, in some cases lives are lost.

 

This is exactly how it is with a marriage. Nihil  aliquid sperare potest stare non edificabis- you can't build something on nothing and expect it to stand...literally. You must have heard that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, well what happens in your singlehood does not stay there. In most cases, it gets amplified. If he is cheating on you now, marriage ain't gonna cure it, it might actually get worse. If she has trust issues now, she might poison you in marriage before she realizes you were innocent...If the foundation be faulty...

 

So for the next seven (7) weeks or more, by the grace of God, we will be looking at some issues of singles and guess what, I won't be doing it alone. I have a divinely selected team of singles who are willing to share their stories so you don't make the same mistakes...you know what they say: its not a mistake to make a mistake, but it is a mistake to repeat the same mistake.

 

A single topic will be discussed everyday for 7 days from seven people's point of view because I strongly believe that truth is strong, repetition is stronger but repeating the truth is strongest. So don't miss out on a single day because it's time to correct that faulty foundation and perhaps introduce a retrofit (a reinforcement for faulty foundations).

 

Remain blessed.

Cheers