Noting the signs written in black and white but the
‘blueness’ of the sky and the ‘redness’ of the rose were too amazing to let go. Salut a tous…hehehe just thought to start with some naughty
rhymes.
So here I was with this tall black looking guy for roughly
four years. You know that feeling you have when you are showered with a lot of
affections. It was just too amazing to trade. But did that make me happy? I
soon discovered the answer to that. With advice from my brothers on ensuring
that I guide myself against emotional
exploitation and also my pastors’ advice ( sure you wondering pastor slf follow advice...),
yes oo...the relationship had not reached the threshold of marriage but I guess
some people were able to read what was behind my ‘smiles’.
Not mincing words he was a ‘spoiler’. He really had those
romantic tactics and ideas that will make most ladies build their castles in
his heart. Just as a way of intro, we met through a mutual friend...who had
been interested in dating him but he wasn’t just attracted to her. See me
feeling like I have achieved what someone else couldn’t get. He showered me
with gifts, he even bought me my matriculation dress. In the first one year, I
already met his family and they all loved me. Mind you, my friends liked him
too. He was quite jovial and fun to relate
with. Albeit, I discovered that you might find love even in the places your
friends don’t approve of, which has been a recent experience of mine. Let’s
keep that aside for now. We even had a similar name, that made me love him
more... just one of those dumbest excuse to remain in a ‘broken relationship’.
By the way am sure you must be wondering by now what could be
wrong with the picture I have been painting. The fact is that it was never love, I realized I never loved him and he didn’t love me either. It was
just part of those lust/infatuation stories we hear about. How did I get to
that conclusion...hmm… Love is never violent and love doesn’t hurt.
This super guy had a terrible temper. He could be violent
when he gets angry, throwing things around and can hit just about anything
‘which includes me’. Off the top of my head,
I know I received at least two hot slaps in the course of that relationship.
Hilariously, you can imagine that slap you get and the guy is like ‘I
was just joking with you, is that how to slap someone’. Shey, I should have run for my dear life early enough. Unfortunately, I became scared
along the way. This was not that fear of not getting a ‘new boo’, in my case I was
scared of him because he became a
‘tyrant’.
The relationship moved from “love” to the threats to never
leave. Don’t forget my brother's advice on avoiding exploitation. This was one
of those cases of emotional blackmail. He threatened to even kill us both if I
try to leave him, in fact, he threatened all sort. I became helpless and very
vulnerable at a point. I couldn’t stand him anymore, but I couldn’t leave
either. Trust me I knew him well enough to be certain that he meant those
threats...
To cut the story short, I found my voice to speak to my
brothers, guess what...they were so mad at me...what a ‘mumu’ I was. One thing led to another, I finally broke the ties.
Guess what? Sometime ago he chatted me up and asked if he was a good boyfriend,
apparently, he was having issues in a new relationship. Biko...what was I
supposed to say (question for the gods). Honestly, how the whole breaking up
went I can’t even explain, I doubt there was any ‘I BREAK UP WITH YOU’ message
or calls. One thing I sure remember is that I had intensely prayed about it, and
that was it.
My story my lesson...most of us just hold on to the
intangibles...I look back at his pictures
sometimes and am like how could I have dated this guy. Like the previous post,
there is that intuition already that this thing wouldn’t work. By the way, I
forgot to add, he gave me a ring during the relationship and just like the
stories we hear, he demanded to have all his gifts back. Ehhen...no wonder my
developed dislike for ‘guys’ gifts’. Nevertheless, I knew in my mind I couldn’t
even think of getting married to such a dude. I was more hurt because I felt
‘used’ (not in the sexual way), exploited
and blackmailed. I could have given my energy to something of value. Although,
I gave myself some healing retreat but the lesson was learned in a hard way.
So what’s key here...having a romantic boo is not an excuse
to stay in an abusive relationship. Abusive marriages pretty start from abusive
relationships. Love does not hurt mehn...Just close your eyes to it and move out
of that abusive relationship, pray for strength if you need it... by the way
you will get hurt either ways, so why not
do it now.
Efair
