So
my dear Mrs Adindu is telling me about me joining in being a blessing to
singles by writing on some topics and the young lady, is giving me this info
less than a week to the deadline. I shake my head in utter amazement and tell
her to send me the topics, as she sends it on Whatsapp, the first one hits
home, and I vividly remember almost being run down by a car driven by the love
of my life, and I had a smile on my face, memories are amazing, but I get ahead
of myself let’s start from the very beginning.
It
was love at first sound, if there is one thing a man could use to steal me
away, it would be an amazing singing voice. Chai!!! And this guy had it. You
won’t understand, I was OBSESSED with him even before I met
him…. Yes oh my sister, all this love and I never even meet the guy, so imagine
when all things worked for my good and I finally met the dude it was sometime
in December, less than 2 weeks we started dating…. Please, please, please,
don’t judge me, he was a catch, husband material wrapped in a beautiful package
with bow waiting to be unwrapped and I was the lucky recipient of such a gift…
or so I thought.
See my life was about this guy, I was
obsessed with making life so blissful for him, that I forgot my own life, and
that was the problem. I would save up everything to get him gifts. I would try
to make sure I made it for all his events sometimes even give my car so he
could execute them well. I would spend credit calling to check up, when he fell
ill I dragged my friends to go see him (yes I did), I listened to his problems
and tried to solve them. The issue was not that I was doing these things (because
I am a naturally obsessive person with my friends), the problem was that I was
not receiving in return, worse off my efforts were never enough. I was never called
back and my calls were being seen as disturbing, my gifts were not always up to
standard but I never got gifts, my friends were a bother and my family had
issues, I fell ill and rather than come check on me, my friend got insulted for
calling him to tell him I as ill, my car was available but he always had an
excuse why I couldn’t use his, my friends made themselves uncomfortable for him
because of me, his friends cared nothing about me, he didn’t come for my first
ever play, neither did he read my write ups (except they were about him) but I
had to make all his events… Once my friends and I made it late, he was so upset
he almost ran me over with a car! Let me top it all up, in my stupidity I
always defended him, there was always a reason he was acting up, it was never
his fault.
Trust
the friends that I have, especially lawyer, writer and poet Bologi, she dished
out the truth, it was my choice to either listen or not and for a while I
didn’t listen, until I was tired of being a fool. See I don’t blame him for
anything, I take the blame (no, this is not an excuse) because if I had only
understood that my friends were just saying – “if you matter to someone, everything about you is important, no matter
how inconsequential”. If I had calmed down to listen, I would have heard
them say that a relationship is a two way thing; two people giving and
receiving, two people building each other for each other.
It
took A crushed self-esteem, emotional battery and spiritual derailment for my
eyes to open and realise that I am more than this. If I was in primary school,
I would end my composition with ‘had I known’ but as a Christian, I would
rather say I count it all joy (James 1:2) why??? Well, first the bible says so.
Secondly, I am able to laugh about it, share it and use it to bless others not
to go the same way I did.
BUNMI
BUNMI
