MOMENT OF REALIZATION
Have you ever been in a situation where you saw a friend about to commit relationship suicide or blunders, then you took it upon yourself to try to "save them" and somehow, you become the bad person? Or the reverse, where it is you who knew all along what the signs were saying- "this thing shalln't work" but you kept on loving to the end and hoping for the best.
The truth is I have come to understand that for such friends, you just let them come to their own moments of realization. Why? Well, because you can't beat them, convince them or convict them...everybody comes to that point one way or the other. You know what they say- experience is the best teacher. I however prefer to learn from the other people's experiences...but ehn.. that's just me heheheh. But in the interim, your prayers for them will go along way thoh.
So this week, some singles are going to be sharing their "moments of realization" in relationships...past relationships. I hope you learn one or two things and I pray God gives you the strength to do the needful. Remember, if the foundations be faulty....
"I am in front of your house, return the phone and every other thing I bought for you, I am waiting and don’t waste my time!"I dropped my phone rather abruptly,, my head spun 360, I could practically hear my heart beat. My brother asked “what did he say?” I couldn’t find the words to answer him, I just heard myself saying “I don’t want any scene”... Then quickly without thinking I put together the dress and the shoe he got for me in the bag and told my brother to transfer all my files from my phone and format the phone. When I realized there was no much time, I told him to just format the phone, remove my sim card and follow me. We walked to the gate and I saw a tall dark guy dressed in boxers and polo walking towards us and muttering some words beneath his breath. He dragged the bag from me, collected the phone from my brother and stormed off. I could not believe I dated this guy that seemed literarily mental. I thought I was dreaming. How did I get into this mess in the first place?
He
approached me for the first time at a church premise and at that time I was
done with school but had not been in any relationship (which I thought was long
overdue). He was tall, dark and handsome and I was excited he spoke to me. We were
also of the same tribe, somewhat of the same faith and he had a good
profession, Perfect!..or so I thought. We got so close quickly because of his constant
calls. He had lost his mum some years earlier and had just lost his dad when we
met so I felt pity for him. He was also very caring. I did not have to ask him
directly for my needs, he read in between lines. For example, at the time we
met I was using a Nokia touch light phone but when he perceived I needed a
smart phone, he took it upon himself to purchase one for me.
He
was all over me with marriage but I kept telling him that it was too early;
some friends had told me that my relationship with him was going so fast.
Moreover, my dad had his reservations about him; Dad felt he seemed
domineering and did not act conventional but I turned deaf ears. I saw him as
God-sent.
It was not long and I
started noticing the unconventional attitude with the fact that he used a touch
light phone and did not see the need for a car even though he was doing very
well at work or so I thought. Well, that didn’t seem to be much of a problem
but when he kept condemning those that used smart phones as unserious and those
that used cars as extravagant, it became an issue. The fact that I used a smart
phone also became a problem; he kept asking me who I chatted with, always
suspecting it had to be a boy. He called me constantly to monitor my
movement. He hated the fact that I did my youth service far away from him, so he
mounted pressure on me to relocate to the state he lived
so that I can live with him on weekends. One very annoying part was that he
wanted e to get pregnant for him before we got married; he wanted to
dominate my life...I saw the signs...
There
were times he broke up with me because I missed his calls. One time he called
me on a friday and scolded me for intentionally switching off my phone so he
could not reach me, before I could even explain, he already drew conclusions
and broke up with me and of course I had to be the one to call and try to get us
back together. He handled issues in awkward ways, never addressed the issue
at hand instead and sometimes he will refer to things he
had bought for me, insinuating that it should make up for whatever wrong he did.,. yet another sign.
There
were lots of issues in my house during the period we dated, My dad did not
like him but my mum supported me, she always defended him before my dad which
caused a lot of issues. I noticed that whenever he visited my house, he will sit in the living room with my parents hang his leg on the center table and talked to my dad like his
contemporary. My brother also liked him,
so he gave my brother a spare key to his house. I found out later that he made
my brother wash his clothes and clean his house...Everything soon changed when he
scolded my brother like a thief and snatched his key from him because my
brother used his phone. ...I still hoped.
What
broke the camel’s back was the day my mum called me and said “I thought you
said this guy is a Christian, I thought you said…” She said she and my dad had
a discussion with him, as my dad’s intention was to get to know him better . But I was told
he displayed all kinds of irritable attitudes in their presence. He was
disrespectful and while talking he sounded sullen and stood up a couple of times
acting rather wild and uncontrollably. From the discussion,
it was deduced that he was domineering, ungodly, and had a fetish backgrounds. All these I was too "in love" to see.
After the talk, he called me and just kept talking about the meeting. To him it was a happy and successful meeting (of course my parents did not show him their disgust). I tried really hard to be calm. When I told him that I disliked what he did, he broke up with me and that was the end for me!
After the talk, he called me and just kept talking about the meeting. To him it was a happy and successful meeting (of course my parents did not show him their disgust). I tried really hard to be calm. When I told him that I disliked what he did, he broke up with me and that was the end for me!
Two weeks later he called me to return everything he had bought for me. I could not believe my ears...I didn't know things like that happen in real life... and yes he shamelessly came himself to collect the things he bought for me. Even after this
whole events, he had the temerity to keep calling me, "to see if we could work things out". He assaulted me with series of calls and text messages until I
threatened to sue him... Hmm. I honestly wanted to title this post "Deliverance from the shackles of hell" but I thought that will be rather dramatic...But you'll agree with me that God really saved me!
Lessons
Learnt
ü Do
not be desperate for anything not even a husband
ü Do
not trade your singlehood for anything less than a true man
ü Do
not feel indebted to a man because of the things he provides, you can get them
yourself
ü Do
not enter into a relationship out of sympathy; don’t try to act like his mother
ü A man
that disregards your parents will not treat you any better
ü Do
not give your body to a man that is not your husband else you’ll live with
regrets
ü Do
not let a man pressurize you to marriage
ü It’s
never too late to quit a bad relationship before you say "I do"
ü A
relationship that leads to so much discord in your family is not God ordained
ü Pray
to God and adhere to His instructions concerning your spouse to be...
God bless you and give you the courage to act wisely!
Debby -lifeofasinglewoman.blogspot.com.ng
