Like most of our fantasies, marriage must also have a goal. In this small life of mine, I have seen goals gan - relationship goals, slimming goals, mom-daugter goals and even baby mama goals (no jokes).
I can still see my father's facial expression as he listened to me tell him I was ready for marriage and I had seen someone who wanted to grow old with me. I still try to imagine what went on in his mind for the next forty eight hours, because by the third day he called me and asked me a question, which before that day, I thought I could answer- "why do you want to get married"?I began to rumble. I told him I felt I was old enough and ready, moreover it just felt right. Then I remembered to throw in a little spiritual twist to it, by saying that because God knew I was ready, He sent someone who loved me my way. Hehehehe. Was he convinced ? Omo that is another matter entirely o. Were my answers wrong? of course not! But that question birthed in me a lot of other questions about the very essence of marriage, hence this post.
Truth is, people marry for various reasons. Most people marry because they feel they are old enough and the society has began to make demands. For some it is to escape the over-bearing clutches of parents. Others just believe it is the cure for poverty and any form of financial impediment. As sickening as it might seem, some actually marry to "legalize" sex and free their consciences from the guilt of fornication and adultery.
On the seemingly good side are those who marry for companionship, to procreate, or even for love. But the truth is, while there is nothing wrong with these reason, there definitely has to be more. Marriage is too serious, surreal and sacred to be underestimated or submerged in shallowness. Your marriage must have far reaching effects and must also be bigger than both of you. Everyone needs to stop at some point in time in life and ask "why do I want to get married" or why did I get married" and "why now"?.
The answer to this question will directly or indirectly define your marriage goal which metamorphosis into a vision. One of my mentors defined vision as a picture of the future that creates passion. I am not referring to those goals we set when we see lovely memes with wonderful captions e.g.
I am referring to that picture of the future in marriage that is bigger than both spouses (or spouses to be). It is that picture that fuels your commitment when your motivation or passion begins to run low (because it will).
In most cases, such passions are born out of a burden. Before I married, I dreaded this institution because a lot of marriages around me were very sour. Marriage beyond the ceremony did not look attractive. So I proposed in my heart that if I ever got married, my marriage would be a pillar of hope to those who were yet to marry and even those who were married. Interestingly, by the time I met my husband, he also had his own goals. We sat down, merged this goals together, and got a vision for our marriage. It is this vision that keeps us safe, sane and sure in trying times.
The beautiful thing about a vision is that it is never too late to have. It does not matter how long you have been married, you can pause now and give your marriage a new meaning by redefining it with your spouse. For those who are yet to marry, this might be a good time to develop your own goal.
Very importantly, every Vision must be written down. -Habbakuk 2:2-4. It helps keep things in perspective at all times.
Remember that when the essence of a thing is not known, abuse becomes inevitable...
#whydoyouwanttogetmarried?
#selah
cheers!
