IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN LOVE

Noting the signs written in black and white but the ‘blueness’ of the sky and the ‘redness’ of the rose were too amazing to let go. Salut a tous…hehehe just thought to start with some naughty rhymes.

So here I was with this tall black looking guy for roughly four years. You know that feeling you have when you are showered with a lot of affections. It was just too amazing to trade. But did that make me happy? I soon discovered the answer to that. With advice from my brothers on ensuring that I  guide myself against emotional exploitation and also my pastors’ advice ( sure you wondering pastor slf follow advice...), yes oo...the relationship had not reached the threshold of marriage but I guess some people were able to read what was behind my ‘smiles’.

Not mincing words he was a ‘spoiler’. He really had those romantic tactics and ideas that will make most ladies build their castles in his heart. Just as a way of intro, we met through a mutual friend...who had been interested in dating him but he wasn’t just attracted to her. See me feeling like I have achieved what someone else couldn’t get. He showered me with gifts, he even bought me my matriculation dress. In the first one year, I already met his family and they all loved me. Mind you, my friends liked him too. He was quite jovial and fun to relate with. Albeit, I discovered that you might find love even in the places your friends don’t approve of, which has been a recent experience of mine. Let’s keep that aside for now. We even had a similar name, that made me love him more... just one of those dumbest excuse to remain in a ‘broken relationship’.

By the way am sure you must be wondering by now what could be wrong with the picture I have been painting. The fact is that it was never love, I realized I never loved him and he didn’t love me either. It was just part of those lust/infatuation stories we hear about. How did I get to that conclusion...hmm… Love is never violent and love doesn’t hurt.

This super guy had a terrible temper. He could be violent when he gets angry, throwing things around and can hit just about anything ‘which includes me’. Off the top of my head, I know I received at least two hot slaps in the course of that relationship. Hilariously, you can imagine that slap you get and the guy is like ‘I was just joking with you, is that how to slap someone’. Shey, I should have run for my dear life early enough. Unfortunately, I became scared along the way. This was not that fear of not getting a ‘new boo’, in my case I was scared of him because he became a ‘tyrant’.

The relationship moved from “love” to the threats to never leave. Don’t forget my brother's advice on avoiding exploitation. This was one of those cases of emotional blackmail. He threatened to even kill us both if I try to leave him, in fact, he threatened all sort. I became helpless and very vulnerable at a point. I couldn’t stand him anymore, but I couldn’t leave either. Trust me I knew him well enough to be certain that he meant those threats...

To cut the story short, I found my voice to speak to my brothers, guess what...they were so mad at me...what a ‘mumu’ I was. One thing led to another, I finally broke the ties. Guess what? Sometime ago he chatted me up and asked if he was a good boyfriend, apparently, he was having issues in a new relationship. Biko...what was I supposed to say (question for the gods). Honestly, how the whole breaking up went I can’t even explain, I doubt there was any ‘I BREAK UP WITH YOU’ message or calls. One thing I sure remember is that I had intensely prayed about it, and that was it.

My story my lesson...most of us just hold on to the intangibles...I look back at his pictures sometimes and am like how could I have dated this guy. Like the previous post, there is that intuition already that this thing wouldn’t work. By the way, I forgot to add, he gave me a ring during the relationship and just like the stories we hear, he demanded to have all his gifts back. Ehhen...no wonder my developed dislike for ‘guys’ gifts’. Nevertheless, I knew in my mind I couldn’t even think of getting married to such a dude. I was more hurt because I felt ‘used’ (not in the sexual way), exploited and blackmailed. I could have given my energy to something of value. Although, I gave myself some healing retreat but the lesson was learned in a hard way.

So what’s key here...having a romantic boo is not an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship. Abusive marriages pretty start from abusive relationships. Love does not hurt mehn...Just close your eyes to it and move out of that abusive relationship, pray for strength if you need it... by the way you will get hurt either ways, so why not do it now.

Efair