WK 7 DAY 5- WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

First, this assumes that I want to get married, but then, I do, so I guess its appropriate. That said, we can go on with the why. The first time I seriously thought about this was when Chichi told me her dad asked her before she got married. I then gave it a thought and I'd be pretty straight forward with this one.

In no particular order, my reasons are:

1) I have the desire to marry. I know this doesn't sound deep and all, but its the truth. Some people do not have the desire to be married, but I do.

2) I believe very strongly that the thousand I'm chasing now will be multiplied to ten thousands when I marry my husband. Get me right, I am fulfilling purpose as a single woman, and (not but), I know that there will be greater yield when I'm doing destiny and purpose with my Mr.

3) It's God's will for me to marry.

4) I want to raise a family and have my Godly kids and experience all that comes with being a wife and a mother. I mean, it's gotta be great to have kids that are a part of you.

5) I want to be able to do life with my husband, be able to express myself and feelings uninhibited, without fear nor holding back. Plus, I mean, I get to have this one person I'm licensed to be able to annoy all my life....and I can be annoying. Lol.

6) I want to have and enjoy sex - yep! This is a reason for me- ain't nobody gonna be forming too spiritual to admit this, besides, sex is spiritual, but that's gist for another day. Seeing as I'm only permitted to have sex with my husband, it's one sure reason I wanna be married.

I could probably go on and on, but lets leave it here for now. And this is what I'll say: I've not written these reasons to give anyone reasons to get married. Rather, this is for you to ask yourself why you wanna be married (if you wanna be married). Don't get married for other people's reasons, it's never worth it, oh no, its not. And make sure your reasons are substantial and not  superficial.

Its okay to wanna get married, especially in this world where people, Women especially are forming baddo....its only NOT okay when you wanna do it for the wrong reasons.

With that, I'll ask you, why do you wanna get married???

Its been an awesome time sharing parts of my life with you guys, and I have loved the feedback from the comments and some sent directly to Chichi. Thanks Chichi for the opportunity to be a blessing, and thanks to everyone that read.

God bless you.

Bologi.

MARRY TO PISS THE DEVIL OFF...

WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

If you asked me this question just four (4) months ago, you would have gotten the most negative response ever possible, full of bile, bitterness and complete lack of enthusiasm. I was never the girl who sat to dream of a wedding or a home with a husband and wife…. somehow my daydreaming always stopped at the point where I fall in love with the guy nonetheless even if we break up it wouldn’t count because I’m a self-sufficient independent lady doing what matters most to her.

I would look at married women and feel so much pity for them, when I go for weddings I could very vividly see the chains the couple decided to wear on their necks by themselves, I just could never understand it. Why would you walk into a trap with your own very legs?

All the marriage stories always turned out to be woe stories, yea sure they could be happy for a while but then the woman has 3 kids and gets fat and bitter and loses herself. Or the husband switches to become some complete cheating stranger or the most familiar scenario which most of us can relate to cause most of our parents belong to this category is - there isn’t hatred in the home, but it’s just a dull usual mummy - daddy-house-mates-coming-together-to-raise-kids arrangement…….. So why is everyone still pushing to go into it?

I knew all the wrong reasons, but I had a problem finding the right reasons. On one occasion, I was having a conversation with my mum and I told her point blank, “just condition your mind and not wait for this marriage thing to happen, cause for me, if I do not have a very obvious concrete reason to go into it, I most definitely won’t”. But then again I began asking lots of questions, in my spirit I knew there was a missing link, there was something I was not getting.

Since Jesus loves me, yea He is my friend and my original Guy and because I told Him I don’t ever want to miss a chance at dealing with and embarrassing the devil with my life, He showed me something, very huge obvious reasons why I should get married.

He prepared a course work of 14 books to read before June 2017 and while reading one of the books written by Bishop Oyedepo he mentioned in passing, how after witnessing a bad marriage in his neighborhood he decided he did not need marriage but when he grew up, he began asking questions. And then it occurred to me, I am not strange! I am at the question asking stage, meaning I’m close to getting my answers and deliverance! 

God said to me, when there is something you are confused about, look at your manual – The Bible, and not what you see around you, as what you see around you can be very misleading plus you might get the whole picture wrong.

Now My Manual –The Bible has begun giving me the right picture of what a marriage should be, I’m grateful that I can share the little I know for now as I am still on my course.

WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

a)   God created the marriage institution his very own self.

God looked at Adam and said “it is not good that man should be alone” and then he created Eve a help meet for Adam. By instituting marriage he created a way to make life better and not worse for man. God is love, he wouldn’t create something bad.

b)   You know how God loves us so much that he sent his only begotten son to die for us? Yes! Okay! When God refers to us and Him in so many instances He uses “marriage” as the best way to explain His relationship with us. This means marriage is most definitely not something that is supposed to bring hurt. God knows what he created marriage to be, if you want to know it too, you’ve got to check out his word on it. Revelation 19: 7-9, Isaiah 62:3-5, Hosea 2:14-17, Jeremiah 3:14, Hosea 2:19.

c)   Two are better than one because, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

i)              they have a good return for their labor;

ii)             if either of them falls down, one can help the other up, pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up;

iii)            if two lie down together, they will keep warm;

iv)           though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves;

v)            a cord of three strands is not quickly broken – God, Man and Wife.

d)   If done right, it is terror to the kingdom of the devil. Imagine homes where spouses know what God created marriage to be, raising well rounded, confident, intelligent, God fearing children with a full understanding of love and purpose, this would most definitely wreak havoc on the devil who is constantly looking for anywhere we lack knowledge to use against us. In this types of homes, he’d rarely get the opportunity. This will devastate him.

e)   When you go into marriage the way God who created it wants it, you gain great evil-proof companionship, love, security, safety, minimized mistakes and hurts. A way to always solve issues, continuous all round growth and strength.  Ephesians 5:21-33.

f)     Someone to share everything with for the long haul, happiness, support, sadness. You know how the Bible says Jesus is the bridegroom and the church the bride? In the Bible Jesus shared everything with us…. love (at the wedding of Canna), sadness (at the tomb of Lazarus), food (when he fed the 5000), joy(playing with the little kids)…..and he is our bridegroom! So a marriage should be too.

g)   To enjoy loving someone and someone loving you back. The Bible defines Love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, imagine a marriage that operates with this type of love!

h)    That is our best reward on this side of eternity, a great marriage with the spouse you love. According to Solomon, after all your toilsome labor on earth, we are admonished by Solomon to enjoy marriage. Ecclesiates 9:9

i)      A good avenue to glorify God as purpose and destiny will be fulfilled.

j)      Bonus: it will an opportunity for me to glorify God and just plain make the devil useless, I enjoy such opportunities, I will not miss out on this.

In summary, for now, I want to get married because I’m sure of the person who created it, it will give me joy when I do it his way, I will have love, companionship and great children, pursue and achieve more results and also piss the devil off!! 

Win-Win situation!!

EJURA

WHY GET MARRIED?

I often ponder the saga in marriages in this 21^st century, they leave me perplexed. But all hope is never lost. 

…OMG! She looks like Cinderella |Groom’s so cute| Superduper lovely| Aww! I love her dress| I love this picture, wish its me| Congrats, cute babies loading... These are some of the comments, you’ll see, about wedding posts on social media. I know people (mostly females) who want to get married because of wedding pictures they see online, on social media platforms, the likes of bellanaijaweddings, Nigerianwedding, lindaIkeji etc. They see pictures and start daydreaming about how their wedding can hold as soon as possible with the whole settings in the picture. They tap and click on (depending on which social app) the ‘like’ button as many times as they want and start making comments like ‘why can’t someone like more than once sef’ (you relate with this right?). Only if you knew the stress and how much money went into planning that wedding.

Others see posts about proposals & pre-wedding pictures and wish they had a fiancé or fiancée like that. Some even wish for the same type of ring and the same environment for their dream spouse to propose to them. We easily get carried away by the physicals, things that are pleasing to the senses. Marriage is more than this!

On the other hand, I have interacted with people who do not want to get married because of various reasons; they either don’t want to make commitments or some say, “Ah! It’s too stressful ooo”. Others have said, “Abeg I want to have my freedom jare.” My response to this, in defining freedom, is that the person who is in a commitment is freer than you who has not made a commitment. You are wondering what this means exactly right. Yeah, don’t worry I’ll explain. Many people know the definition of freedom as the ability to do things on your own unconstrained; some say it is a Right. I do not disagree, but they fail to add the other part which is ‘…making decision(s) which is (are) right.’ Someone who is committed (who has a focus) already has a path he or she is following in life, so it is easier for that person to decide when decision time comes, if it fits or does not fit into their path. But for you who is still flexing around, you that do not have a goal or focus, whatever comes, you take. I hope you’ll be ready for the consequences of your flexing action. Please not, this is totally different from those who have decided and chosen to live celibacy (another topic for another day). Freedom is a gift.

Even the Holy books say a lot about marriage but I still want to continue on a natural level. Another misconception people have about marriage is that ‘there must be the reward of a child to proof the success of the marriage’. The capacity for procreation is God allowing us share in His creative power. Procreation is one of the reasons for marriage, they are blessings which come with marriage. If they do not come, it is not enough reason for you to think your marriage is a failure. These days, you find people who will not get married unless the lady is pregnant. Please this is not a solid reason for marriage. What will happen if the life of that child is lost, would your marriage be lost as well? The marital vow proclaimed during a marriage ceremony is the strongest bond of a covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God. Nothing! and I repeat nothing!! should be the reason why two people would decide to want to break up their marriage except death, not even adultery is a reason. The highest form of action that can be taken with regards adultery is separation. The only reason, which is rarely the case, is if there was a false declaration of the exchanged marital vow. Maybe if one of the spouses made those declarations without meaning it or is not in a sane state of mind, which means there was never any union ab initio (from the beginning). Marriage is ‘Till death do us part.’

Marriage is a real supernatural calling. Marriage is a sacrament that makes one flesh of two bodies. Every home should be a place of peace and serenity.

The reason why I really want to get married is to have a COMPANION, someone you can build a family with. I need a complement, I need a help mate, I need a fellowship, I need a friendship, I need someone to be 100% free with, I need closeness, I need my missing rib to make me complete, above all, I need true love. Someone you are united and entangled with, together forever. Someone you can trust, one who can stand by you, someone who makes you happy and the list is endless. Find out who that person is, and when you have found out, allow the test of time to take its course before making that final commitment. Never forget to talk to the God about this. 

Tip off!

You are to complement your spouse and not make your spouse like you or expect a perfect person, we are all humans. No one is perfect; we create the perfection we want.

Sometimes, the feelings will die out, we would now have to use our head and not our heart. The solution to most, if not all, of the difficulties we face in life is TIME. Only God creates time.

God made time, but man made haste. ~Irish Proverb

Mr Seun Ogundipe

WK 7 DAY 2 - WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Hmmmm, why do I really want to get married? When Chichi asked me to write on this I smiled and told her this article will finally force me to answer myself. Marriage as a concept means a lot of things to different people and one of the meanings i nurtured for a long time was "a cage". Yeah!!! Each time I thought of marriage or saw a couple during their wedding all I felt was fear. My emotions would be a mixture of pity and dread. Like " Jesus...this lady is trapped, she now lives under the authority of this man. He dictates her every move and say". I sure as hell didn't envy that. To that end, I saw to it that the only courtship I had was with my books, few friends and Jesus...lol... 'I know I'm married to Jesus Satan leave me alone'. All of these seemed easier to carry on because i was quite young and marriage isn't a priority your parents demand of at that time.

 Fast forward to after youth service and returning home. It started like a joke, ' when are you getting married?' Then it graduated to a daily reality from parents, friends and well wishers. Ahhh... the crown of it was when i started buying aso ebi for Secondary School friends. My mother never ceased to emphasize that they are my mates. Marriage had left Social studies book and the altar to become my present hour reality. I wasn't envious of my friends getting married but that abstract word was beginning to take a real form in my very eyes.

 Maturity helped me realize marriage to the right person isn't a cage per se but it didn't help to eliminate the fear that comes with the thought of marriage. I do want to get married now but i don't want to do it for the wrong reasons. I don't want to get married to escape the pressures at home, neither do i want to do so because all my friends are getting married and I'm scared of losing out on the trend. I don't want to get married because im scared of ending up alone nor do i want to do it so society doesn't call me a failure.

 Eccl 4: 9-12 TLB "Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be better vs 10 if one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he is in trouble". I've prided myself in being independent but that's mainly out of insecurity. Fear that if i open up i will get hurt. But the word of God has groomed me these past  years, letting me know that if i walk by the Spirit my testimony will be from glory to glory. So for this course I'm finally going to answer the question: why do i really wanna get married?

 As stated in Eccl 4: 9 I don't only want to accomplish but i want to do so tremendously. What better partner to embark on this feat than a soul mate ordained by God. As vs 10 explained, i know i might falter every once in a while in this journey called life but i know with the right person i will find solace, love and comfort to pull me back up. Vs 11 also - on a cold night, two under the same blanket gain warmth from each other, but how can one be warm alone?" Trust me, I have had enough of the cold  nights. I do not want the warmth that comes with sin and guilt so I'm patiently ticking with the clock for my cold night partner to arrive.

 Lastly as advised by Paul and Jesus, if you do not have the grace to withhold sin then do the available. It was easier to think i had the grace when i was much younger but growing up amidst many mistakes and shortcomings i think i will advice myself to listen to words of wisdom. I am still walking through the fear of marriage but now i have better reasons to overcome it.

Thanks a lot Chichi for making me finally answer this question to myself. All of the times I have meditated on it, this is the first time I am answering it.

Thanks again.

Omore.

WK 7 DAY 1- WHY I WANT TO TIE THE PROVERBIAL KNOT BY POPE

Hi great pips, happy new week, and I hope the month is ending on a good note. So we had to take a compulsory one week break from the series to re-energize. The week before last was power packed, back-to-back. Thank God for the writers who agreed to share their stories with us. The feed back have been really inspiring.

I remembered when Boo proposed, my world practically stopped for what looked like another lifetime. I was excited ( don't get me wrong), I just was not sure I wanted to marry...and No it was not about him, its just that the reality of marriage was beginning to set in and I wasn't sure I knew if I was ready...That's gist for another day (probably at the end of the week). So I went to Dad to let him know I had seen "The One" and he asked me one question that left me blank...I could not even attempt an answer- WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? I felt "...that's an unfair question to ask me, moreover, you are married nah, abi don't you want me to marry too...". In my head, I felt I was old enough, had seen the one, and just could not understand why I shouldn't want to marry... But beyond the defensiveness, all by myself, I knew I needed to answer this question truthfully.

The thing is, there are no right or wrong answers per se, as long as your reasons are not illegal or harmful or revengeful...ehen. However, I think that there are level to this- levels to the depth of your answer that will determine how well your marriage turns out and whether it lasts or not.

Meanwhile, this week is also special because i'll be featuring GUYS for the first time since the series begun...Yippee!

Have a splendid read this week and God bless your marriages and relationships!👊👊

CHIAGOZIEM

WK 6 DAY 7 - YOUR STORY - HIS GLORY

It’s been an amazing week in all aspects of the word “amazing”. In my head, I felt i was reaching out to singles to encourage them to lay healthy foundations for their married lives. Little did I know I was going to be ministered to rather heavily.

The plan has always been to reserve Sundays for me to wrap-up and put a cap to the discussions on the topic of any given week. For some reasons, I have been unable to. However, with the sensitivity and far reaching effects of this week’s topic, I knew I had to create time to wrap up.

The topic for the week was VIRGINITY. The writers shared with us how they kept or lost their virginity, the struggles they faced (and are still facing) and the lessons learnt so far. Trust me when i say, they did an awesome job of opening up to the world just to minister to someone. This topic was not intended to make anyone feel lost and dejected. On the contrary, it was supposed to minister grace to you, and I am sure it did. The writers were a mixed multitude and I am sure their stories blessed different people at different levels of the purity journey. It does not matter how lost you think you are, grace and forgiveness are always available. And like one of the writers highlighted; just go and sin no more. And for you who is still a virgin, remember to never be too confident in yourself and “walk on the edges”, lest you fall.

One major lesson I learnt in the course of the week is to never ever judge anybody. If you have not lived their story, you have no right to judge another. There were those who lost their virginity “carelessly”. Others, rather willingly but oblivious of the consequences. There is another category who lost their virginity to “thieves”. All they’ve known is hurt and lack of trust. They end up being lesbians or homosexuals, hating men/women, or just giving in to sex at any given opportunity. We see these ones and call them “loose” or “prostitutes” or “wayward”, and then we stigmatize them. But you weren’t there when someone came and literally ripped virtue from them without consent and apology, the day innocence was buried, the day they wished a million and one things including death, the nights when they wake up practically screaming and drenched in their sweat, the days they dread closing their eyes, lest they re-live the experience, moments when they had to doubt God’s love for allowing such happen to them … If you don’t know their story, don’t judge.

If you are in this category, God’s grace is also available. I have no blanket solution to give you because your story is peculiar. But one thing is for sure - you need to talk to someone so that you can begin healing enough to let go of the hurt, forgive your offender and begin to live the fulfilling life you were created to live. There is so much “hurt” is not letting you enjoy, there’s so much you can give and NO! it was not your fault. I will also like to tell you that you have a ministry in that “misery”. Like these writers of the week, there’s someone out there only you can reach because only you can relate with what they went or are going through. If you want to talk, you can get across to me on njokuchiagoziem@gmail.com and I will connect you to proper counselors who will be willing to walk with you irrespective of your location… and yes, it will be strictly confidential. If you also have story you want to share that might bless others, kindly get across to me with the terms and conditions...lol😀.

I long for a world where we stop being stereotypes and start loving people for who they really are. A world that is free of judgement, criticisms and name calling. A world where people have compassion enough to ask what the problem really is and proffer solutions in confidence...

 I would love to end with this passage  - 2 Cor 5:16

^16-20 Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.  (msg)

Let go of the hurt, forgive yourself and the offender and let grace wash over you and give you a new start. It might not be easy but it is doable...trust me i know...

Next week's topic is setting standards...See you tomorrow.

Remain blessed.

Cheers!

CHIAGOZIEM ADINDU

I CHOSE TO WAIT...

Hi guys, today I'll talk about why I'm still a virgin. Various factors affected my decision to wait till I officially tie the knit before breaking the cookie jar.  I'll pick a point at a time and talk about it. 

1st Reason:

My dad used to travel a lot back then because of the nature of his job. I remember sometime ago I was discussing with my dad.  He made a statement that struck me and kept ringing in my head. He said the reason he trusted my mum so well, and could vouch for her that she never cheated throughout the time he wasn't around, was because he met her as a virgin and she was very uptight even with him before they got married. He added - all the issues they've had (they've been married for over 35 years) and will have can never be in line with her faithfulness. That statement got me. At that moment I made up my mind to be like her so my husband will trust me this much. 

2nd Reason:

At some point my reason was just because I knew my elder sisters were virgins, and the married ones at that time got married as virgins, so I decided that I wasn't going to be the black sheep

3rd reason:

God forbids fornication and blesses those that obey Him.

However with the wealth of knowledge I have gathered over the years on certain aspects of life, I've concluded that "I am not my mother and my husband is not my father" The fact that my father can boast of my mum's faithfulness because she was a virgin does not mean my husband has to trust me for that reason too. So my first reason is not exactly my present and sole reason for remaining a virgin

Secondly, my sisters being virgins should not be my ultimate reason. I should have an understanding for myself of why I am and should remain a virgin

As for my 3rd reason; Yes God forbids fornication and blesses those that obey him. However, purity does not guarantee a successful marriage contrary to what I held unto. It doesn't mean your husband will adore you, doesn't guarantee children, after all some virgins remain barren in marriage while others that people tag 'harlots' have kids when they decide to. Also, getting married as a virgin doesn't automatically make you a Proverbs 31 woman.  After all, virginity can be all you have (without character) and who that kin virginity epp?

Finally, my simple reason right now is "Because fornication is a sin against God and MY moral standards forbids it" (note 'my' in capital letters).

But I'd like to say this,  virgin or no virgin, you're still a great woman or man (Yes men too!).

 

Cheers!

 

B.O.M

 

MERCY SAID NO

So the topic for this week is really very sensitive. This is not a topic that people will normally bring to public domain but because Chi Chi has told us that this is a ministry, we have decided to share our stories.

 

Am I still a virgin? Well, I'm neither here nor there...Lol. Is that possible? Let me first take you through memory lane when I was still "Debbie, the naïve girl". Anyone that was close to me will testify about my naivety to sexual matters. This lasted all through my university days till I met "the love of my life" (as he then was), and I became very curious. First I felt I was too rigid in my rules and regulations, so I should at least meet his sexual demands half way  so as not to drive him away.

 

Moreover, so many persons I knew including the spiritual ones had done it, if not all the way at least the fore play. So I began to experiment, starting with kissing, down to all other preambles before sex, it was such a struggle to keep it at just that. Sometimes the evil thought will come to my head; "you've come this far why not just go all the way" but God's mercy kept me so I didn't let go. The Bible text 1 Cor 9:27 kept reoccurring to me during the course of that relationship "I will keep my body under subjection, lest when I have preached to others, I become a cast away". Well, that didn't stop me from my experiments. It was even harder trying to please the man without allowing him penetrate because the guy can like to bring all kinds of bizarre styles, story for another day.

 

The question now is: Do I regret my actions? Yes! Yes! Yes! You don't want to know how much. Each time I remember that I even kissed that guy I feel like puking. Back then I was almost certain he was going to be my husband so I did not mind doing all those... But was it worth it? Why couldn't we just wait knowing that man is really shortsighted; we really can't tell the outcome of a relationship no matter how well it is going. You can imagine how I felt when I learnt from his ex after I broke up with him that he had given her staphylococcus (how God had saved me from that). I felt like turning the hands of time, wished I had never met him. These regrets wouldn't have been this deep if I hadn't gone intimate with him.

 

Lessons learnt:

• You can never be too stiff with what belongs to you (virginity), in fact, it belongs to God and He dictates when you can give it.
• If the guy can't wait, he is not yours
• Listen to the voice of God in any relationship
• There's no need to try out what you'll have through out your marriage
• Curiosity can be dangerous                                                                                                            It is one of the devil's lies that you need to practice sex to become perfect in marriage. God gave sex as a gift strictly for married couples. He who giveth is able to teacheth thou how to goeth about it. Ask Adam & Eve .
• Fornication includes but it's not limited to penetration, it's accompaniments also.
• He who standeth should take heed lest he falls. If you are still a virgin, hold firm to God's grace.
• If you are not a virgin, the blood of Jesus can make you pure again... make a stern decision to be chaste till marriage.

In conclusion, let me revisit my first question: am I a virgin? Yes I am and I will continue to be by the grace of God because He has instructed me to remain so till I am married. (Any guy wey no like am should go and hug transformer...lol).

DEBORAH

THE TALE OF A NON-VIRGIN

She had personally had enough from her family. All she had known growing up was bitterness. Her fees had been paid, she wore the best, ate the best meals but she never truly understood the meaning of love. Her parents didn't show themselves love and that translated to her children. In their own way they must have thought they were, but they weren’t. see, their bitterness towards each other didn't allow them raise their children in love.

So she sought to find love for herself. Forget God!!! Religion was the problem in her family so she wasn't going to go down that road. The movies showed that an expression of love was through sex. She's watch enough romantic movies to know that loving a person meant giving the all of you; including your body. So when he came, whispering sweet nothings, she fell and when he said I love you her heart melted. He had made her feel like a queen; the words, the calls and the sneaky visits. It didn't take long for her to fall… and she fell on her back. It couldn't have been more than 5mins and that was the end. At 16 she felt something break and it wasn't her Hymen wall; the ecstasy only lasted seconds, she was back to emptiness... Love didn't exist in sex, the movies lied to her. Does that mean there was no hope of love?

She never went back to him. She refused to pick his call. He had failed to meet her expectation as she had seen in the movies. She stayed away from sex but she had become addicted to the split second orgasm, so she began to help herself out, masturbating every now and then until she met him…

He could be termed a beauty among his specie, an intellectual, older, a naval officer and of course financially stable. She was in love!!! He did things to her that in her mind she knew that even if she was married, she was sure the God will frown upon. It was more than 5mins… In fact, it could take all night long. In bed, he treated her like she was precious, like she was something so valuable that he had to take his time to unwrap. Outside the bed, it was like she didn't exist to him. Her life was of no concern to him, so to make sure that they had that something "special" she kept him in bed. It didn't take long for her to realize this wasn't what it was, so she went back to pleasuring herself.

Then she met the love of her life. Oh boy!!; He was drop-dead gorgeous. The one everybody wanted but he had picked her. The first time they met was in a club. The next day he arrived at her house. He took her out, they spent time together, and she was his everything. They made "love" often… they couldn't get enough of each other and then she told him she was pregnant… then he told her he was married. Her world crashed as she excavated the unborn child, she felt a gape, a hole in her had opened up and somehow she knew she could never be the same. The guilt destroyed her of years. She lost her esteem, her direction and purpose. She moved through time with a smile and everyone thought she was a superwoman. She did what she had to do to cover her guilt but at the end of the day, she was left in her bed with the thought. She was ashamed…

Then she met another “him”. Pastor's kid but when she was on her knees she wasn't praying. The only blessing she got from the relationship was that his ex… because her sister… that's a story for another day. She quickly met another him, to cut the story short, it ended in another abortion. She had finally destroyed herself.

Somehow, she found her way back to God!! Tattered and worthless but she came to HIM all the same. Back to her first love… Then, there came the “perfect man”; a Christian brother, a minister of God who ministered to her body and administered to her sexual needs. Emotions were a fairytale but the only way she knew to express love was in bed, so she remained in a loveless relationship… ironic isn't it? Thanks to sisters that care and God's patience, she made it out.

She stayed away from relationships and focused on a relationship with God. It grew every day. Each day she learnt something about her First Love and the knowledge made her fall in love with him. She was satisfied with her life… until he came… She met him in church, he was driving church bus but she knew that it didn't mean he knew God. He was sweet, kind and too nice so she kept him a friend and for 6 months he stayed there - loving her, caring for her, helping her with law school registration, praying with her, spending time with her. It wasn't about her body but about her, she wasn’t going to allow herself fall, it was better to be single and live for Christ.

Then He told her "I love you" but she knew the sound of that and she was not ready to get hurt again. She kinda liked him but she knew with her sordid past such an amazing person would not want her. He told her he had prayed to God for three weeks for her to be his and he would wait till she was his and wait he did, patiently. She knew the time had come to tell him, when she did, he told her it was okay … he still loved her.

It wasn't about her body, it is about her being a better person. It is about making her forget everything about her past and looking into the future together. It is about growing in prayer, it is about making her smile, and it is about building her self-esteem till she becomes the woman God wants her to be. It is about being her strength. It's about loving her as Christ intended and loves the church.

I am not a virgin and I am not proud of it but yet I am not ashamed because I forgive myself just as God forgave me. I only have one minor regret - that I didn't keep the gift of virginity for such an amazing man. But love is more than sex I have come to learn and will express my love for him in every way possible and sex inclusive… when I marry.

See what you watch on TV isn't love. Love based on any condition is not love at all. Don't let anyone tell you that if you love him you will sleep with him. Let me tell you a secret; a person that loves you will respect your decisions, including that of celibacy. The moment I told him, I didn't want to have sex again, he respected it and stood by me.

And please don't let guilt override you. The doctrines of church have somehow painted sex to be this “great sin” but every sin you commit is a sin before God, even that white lie you told this morning. So don't let it stop you from stepping into the love of God. The bible says nothing can separate us from the love of God but my dearest; you can limit yourself from experiencing that love... There is NOW no condemnation for you in Christ Jesus.

Go back to your First Love; He will make everything new, yes even your purity.

BUNMI- https://propheticremnant.wordpress.com/

 

EVEN IF... THERE'S STILL PURITY

I really want to appreciate my friend Chichi for giving us a platform to share our stories and encourage others. the topic of virginity or the loss of it is a very sensitive topic for many including myself so I will try as much as possible to organize my words clearly... 

 

I once read a teaching by a man of God about the cycle of sin and he stated profoundly that sin doesn't begin with temptation rather it begins with confidence in the flesh, the "I can handle it" syndrome. Then comes the guilt trip of "I will never do it again" and it goes on and on like that an endless cycle. 

 

Well this clearly represents what happened to me, I had confidence in the flesh. I felt remaining a virgin was as a result of my self control, so I felt I could do a little but not too much, allowing myself to be a kissing specialist, engaging in foreplay, getting smooched here and there, playing at the very edge but not falling over. I also had fears... I told myself that the devil will set me up even if I used protection and I will end up getting pregnant out of wedlock. Well if you are asking if I'm still a virgin the answer is "No" and I will share with you how it all started. 

 

On that fateful day, I was in the "zone" as usual with my new boyfriend. We had been dating for about 3mths and that evening we checked into a hotel to have just a sleep over or so I thought. I had the complete confidence that since nothing happened with the guys I was even more attracted to, then nothing will happen with this one. To cut a long story short, something happened and before I knew it, I was on a journey I didn't plan for, rising and falling, a journey of guilt, condemnation and regret. 

 

I learnt two lessons that day. Lesson number one - if you keep playing at the edge you will fall over. Lesson two - protection works to protect your body not your soul! 

 

By the way I was a tongue speaking, church going, bible teaching but obviously ignorant Christian. I felt God loved me and used me because I was a virgin. So satan told me "you see God can't use you again, he'll take your gifts, calling and destiny and give it to someone else, you have crossed the line blah blah..."

 

The bible in 1 Sam 2v9 says" ... by strength shall no man prevail".  Also, Zech 4v6 says ". .. Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit says the Lord of Hosts". The Holy Spirit started teaching me about repentance and total reliance on God to keep oneself.  He said "I will never leave you nor forsake you..." The emphasis is on "never", so it doesn't matter what you've done or how far you've fallen, His love remains. 

 

So whenever thoughts of regret come, I just simply remember the long list of imperfect people God used and is still using today. And instead of wallowing in self-pity, I rejoice that I'm alive and have a second chance at purity which is neither hinged on self righteousness nor a thin slice of flesh, but on the Holy Spirit. 

 

As an extension of his grace, God sent me a virgin man to marry who is very aware of my past escapades but refused to judge me. So for ladies and gents in my shoes, who feel that they are worse off, I must tell you emphatically that you still have a chance at purity. God doesn't condemn you just go and sin no more and rely on God to help you. I leave you with Romans 5 v19-21:

 

Here it is in a nutshell: Just as one person did it wrong and got us in all this trouble with sin and death, another person did it right and got us out of it. But more than just getting us out of trouble, he got us into life! One man said no to God and put many people in the wrong; one man said yes to God and put many in the right.

^20-21 All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that’s the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end. (MSG translation)

Remain blessed!

Triple O.

WK 6 DAY 2- IT PAYS TO BE ONE

You can imagine that awkward feeling you have when you have to share things on virginity right! So this is me.....

When I started out as a teenager I had the opportunity to explore quite a number of things... honestly, I did really explore things (lips sealed). It is just funny how we want to remain a virgins and at the same time engage in the ‘leading on acts’. But, I was conscious of the fact that I have read and heard people talk about how interesting and fun sex is, and so one could be easily swept away. Trust me I know myself too well, I was and am still sure that I will go all the way when I start that sex journey. So I had to put some commas to the ‘preliminary touching touching’ ...not a full stop, though (Honeymoon things). Moreover, back in high school, it was like most of those that gave themselves to sex were looking less beautiful at some point...(maybe it was my eyes sha), but I didn’t want to fall into that trap, as I was loving my looks and all.

To answer the question...am I a virgin....eehn...YES! am sure of the no sex part but other things I did explore. I was just very naïve and indecisive then, so I did practically all what he told me to. Looking back now, I just wondered why I never walked away...  The guy was part of those that kept that philosophy of sex was a proof of love. But luckily for me, I always got away with the sweet talk of  ‘I was going to give in soon’ after a while it was ‘chill till after my 100 level’. It happened that the procrastination worked fine till we eventually broke up. Mehn...some dirty memories thoh...

I looked so innocent back then but was I really innocent...gist for another day... (my mum still marvels when I tell her now about some of the things I did then)... Back to the gist... So what kept me going? At least I know I was all ‘churchy’ but not so ‘Gody’ then, even though I was brought up as a Christian.  I just remembered how my parents were such disciplinarians....checking my phone, monitoring my movements... I tell you that was not the restricting factor... I will even say you shouldn’t use those tricks with a 21st-century child...ko le work (it can’t work). It was just a personal strong determination aided with the mercy of God. I didn’t want to be ‘an after-one’ that is the term we normally use for a lady that has a child out of wedlock.

So the past is gone, why am I still one, especially  now that I know better ...where there are a lot of contraceptives that I could take to avoid getting pregnant? You guessed right- GOD is the key factor no doubt. Moreover, haven come this far, with just a few months to go, why can’t I exercise some more patience. Honestly, the urges are there but the Holy Spirit has been my helper.

Is it really necessary to remain a virgin? My one time answer to that is IT DOES PAY TO BE ONE. I have even heard of guys who do not want to marry virgins because they feel virgins are naïve.  That’s so far from the truth... am sure somewhere in their minds they will be proud to have one as a wife...no need to use that as an excuse pleases. For me am sure I will learn on the "job". Moreover, I certainly believe it helps the husband to trust the wife better even in marriage. Issues such as child delay after marriage or rumors of extramarital affairs, will be handled better when the husband remembers he was her first.

Finally, I see no reason why we should secretly enjoy in a haste what we will still have forever in marriage (I have a feeling it might be tiring at a point slf).  And of course, Proverbs 6:28 -  you can’t walk on hot coal and not be scourged.

This is a wakeup call to both guys and ladies... guys are not exempted from the virgin call. I mean, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. I will also like to chip in that for anyone that has lost it, it is not the end of the road you know, even Jesus gave that woman a second chance(John 8:1-11). You can definitely make it right again. On a final note....losing my virginity (which I earnestly await) will be satisfactory and acceptable only when it pleases God and it’s given to the right one.

E-fair