THE TALE OF A NON-VIRGIN

She had personally had enough from her family. All she had known growing up was bitterness. Her fees had been paid, she wore the best, ate the best meals but she never truly understood the meaning of love. Her parents didn't show themselves love and that translated to her children. In their own way they must have thought they were, but they weren’t. see, their bitterness towards each other didn't allow them raise their children in love.

So she sought to find love for herself. Forget God!!! Religion was the problem in her family so she wasn't going to go down that road. The movies showed that an expression of love was through sex. She's watch enough romantic movies to know that loving a person meant giving the all of you; including your body. So when he came, whispering sweet nothings, she fell and when he said I love you her heart melted. He had made her feel like a queen; the words, the calls and the sneaky visits. It didn't take long for her to fall… and she fell on her back. It couldn't have been more than 5mins and that was the end. At 16 she felt something break and it wasn't her Hymen wall; the ecstasy only lasted seconds, she was back to emptiness... Love didn't exist in sex, the movies lied to her. Does that mean there was no hope of love?

She never went back to him. She refused to pick his call. He had failed to meet her expectation as she had seen in the movies. She stayed away from sex but she had become addicted to the split second orgasm, so she began to help herself out, masturbating every now and then until she met him…

He could be termed a beauty among his specie, an intellectual, older, a naval officer and of course financially stable. She was in love!!! He did things to her that in her mind she knew that even if she was married, she was sure the God will frown upon. It was more than 5mins… In fact, it could take all night long. In bed, he treated her like she was precious, like she was something so valuable that he had to take his time to unwrap. Outside the bed, it was like she didn't exist to him. Her life was of no concern to him, so to make sure that they had that something "special" she kept him in bed. It didn't take long for her to realize this wasn't what it was, so she went back to pleasuring herself.

Then she met the love of her life. Oh boy!!; He was drop-dead gorgeous. The one everybody wanted but he had picked her. The first time they met was in a club. The next day he arrived at her house. He took her out, they spent time together, and she was his everything. They made "love" often… they couldn't get enough of each other and then she told him she was pregnant… then he told her he was married. Her world crashed as she excavated the unborn child, she felt a gape, a hole in her had opened up and somehow she knew she could never be the same. The guilt destroyed her of years. She lost her esteem, her direction and purpose. She moved through time with a smile and everyone thought she was a superwoman. She did what she had to do to cover her guilt but at the end of the day, she was left in her bed with the thought. She was ashamed…

Then she met another “him”. Pastor's kid but when she was on her knees she wasn't praying. The only blessing she got from the relationship was that his ex… because her sister… that's a story for another day. She quickly met another him, to cut the story short, it ended in another abortion. She had finally destroyed herself.

Somehow, she found her way back to God!! Tattered and worthless but she came to HIM all the same. Back to her first love… Then, there came the “perfect man”; a Christian brother, a minister of God who ministered to her body and administered to her sexual needs. Emotions were a fairytale but the only way she knew to express love was in bed, so she remained in a loveless relationship… ironic isn't it? Thanks to sisters that care and God's patience, she made it out.

She stayed away from relationships and focused on a relationship with God. It grew every day. Each day she learnt something about her First Love and the knowledge made her fall in love with him. She was satisfied with her life… until he came… She met him in church, he was driving church bus but she knew that it didn't mean he knew God. He was sweet, kind and too nice so she kept him a friend and for 6 months he stayed there - loving her, caring for her, helping her with law school registration, praying with her, spending time with her. It wasn't about her body but about her, she wasn’t going to allow herself fall, it was better to be single and live for Christ.

Then He told her "I love you" but she knew the sound of that and she was not ready to get hurt again. She kinda liked him but she knew with her sordid past such an amazing person would not want her. He told her he had prayed to God for three weeks for her to be his and he would wait till she was his and wait he did, patiently. She knew the time had come to tell him, when she did, he told her it was okay … he still loved her.

It wasn't about her body, it is about her being a better person. It is about making her forget everything about her past and looking into the future together. It is about growing in prayer, it is about making her smile, and it is about building her self-esteem till she becomes the woman God wants her to be. It is about being her strength. It's about loving her as Christ intended and loves the church.

I am not a virgin and I am not proud of it but yet I am not ashamed because I forgive myself just as God forgave me. I only have one minor regret - that I didn't keep the gift of virginity for such an amazing man. But love is more than sex I have come to learn and will express my love for him in every way possible and sex inclusive… when I marry.

See what you watch on TV isn't love. Love based on any condition is not love at all. Don't let anyone tell you that if you love him you will sleep with him. Let me tell you a secret; a person that loves you will respect your decisions, including that of celibacy. The moment I told him, I didn't want to have sex again, he respected it and stood by me.

And please don't let guilt override you. The doctrines of church have somehow painted sex to be this “great sin” but every sin you commit is a sin before God, even that white lie you told this morning. So don't let it stop you from stepping into the love of God. The bible says nothing can separate us from the love of God but my dearest; you can limit yourself from experiencing that love... There is NOW no condemnation for you in Christ Jesus.

Go back to your First Love; He will make everything new, yes even your purity.

BUNMI- https://propheticremnant.wordpress.com/