WHY GET MARRIED?

I often ponder the saga in marriages in this 21^st century, they leave me perplexed. But all hope is never lost. 

…OMG! She looks like Cinderella |Groom’s so cute| Superduper lovely| Aww! I love her dress| I love this picture, wish its me| Congrats, cute babies loading... These are some of the comments, you’ll see, about wedding posts on social media. I know people (mostly females) who want to get married because of wedding pictures they see online, on social media platforms, the likes of bellanaijaweddings, Nigerianwedding, lindaIkeji etc. They see pictures and start daydreaming about how their wedding can hold as soon as possible with the whole settings in the picture. They tap and click on (depending on which social app) the ‘like’ button as many times as they want and start making comments like ‘why can’t someone like more than once sef’ (you relate with this right?). Only if you knew the stress and how much money went into planning that wedding.

Others see posts about proposals & pre-wedding pictures and wish they had a fiancé or fiancée like that. Some even wish for the same type of ring and the same environment for their dream spouse to propose to them. We easily get carried away by the physicals, things that are pleasing to the senses. Marriage is more than this!

On the other hand, I have interacted with people who do not want to get married because of various reasons; they either don’t want to make commitments or some say, “Ah! It’s too stressful ooo”. Others have said, “Abeg I want to have my freedom jare.” My response to this, in defining freedom, is that the person who is in a commitment is freer than you who has not made a commitment. You are wondering what this means exactly right. Yeah, don’t worry I’ll explain. Many people know the definition of freedom as the ability to do things on your own unconstrained; some say it is a Right. I do not disagree, but they fail to add the other part which is ‘…making decision(s) which is (are) right.’ Someone who is committed (who has a focus) already has a path he or she is following in life, so it is easier for that person to decide when decision time comes, if it fits or does not fit into their path. But for you who is still flexing around, you that do not have a goal or focus, whatever comes, you take. I hope you’ll be ready for the consequences of your flexing action. Please not, this is totally different from those who have decided and chosen to live celibacy (another topic for another day). Freedom is a gift.

Even the Holy books say a lot about marriage but I still want to continue on a natural level. Another misconception people have about marriage is that ‘there must be the reward of a child to proof the success of the marriage’. The capacity for procreation is God allowing us share in His creative power. Procreation is one of the reasons for marriage, they are blessings which come with marriage. If they do not come, it is not enough reason for you to think your marriage is a failure. These days, you find people who will not get married unless the lady is pregnant. Please this is not a solid reason for marriage. What will happen if the life of that child is lost, would your marriage be lost as well? The marital vow proclaimed during a marriage ceremony is the strongest bond of a covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God. Nothing! and I repeat nothing!! should be the reason why two people would decide to want to break up their marriage except death, not even adultery is a reason. The highest form of action that can be taken with regards adultery is separation. The only reason, which is rarely the case, is if there was a false declaration of the exchanged marital vow. Maybe if one of the spouses made those declarations without meaning it or is not in a sane state of mind, which means there was never any union ab initio (from the beginning). Marriage is ‘Till death do us part.’

Marriage is a real supernatural calling. Marriage is a sacrament that makes one flesh of two bodies. Every home should be a place of peace and serenity.

The reason why I really want to get married is to have a COMPANION, someone you can build a family with. I need a complement, I need a help mate, I need a fellowship, I need a friendship, I need someone to be 100% free with, I need closeness, I need my missing rib to make me complete, above all, I need true love. Someone you are united and entangled with, together forever. Someone you can trust, one who can stand by you, someone who makes you happy and the list is endless. Find out who that person is, and when you have found out, allow the test of time to take its course before making that final commitment. Never forget to talk to the God about this. 

Tip off!

You are to complement your spouse and not make your spouse like you or expect a perfect person, we are all humans. No one is perfect; we create the perfection we want.

Sometimes, the feelings will die out, we would now have to use our head and not our heart. The solution to most, if not all, of the difficulties we face in life is TIME. Only God creates time.

God made time, but man made haste. ~Irish Proverb

Mr Seun Ogundipe