UNFORCED RHYTHMS OF GRACE

It is July already!
I can imagine that this information represents good news to some. It’s probably their birth month or wedding month or just half of “the best year ever”.

For others, they honestly wish they could share in the enthusiasm. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you hear “It's July already” and you have an exhausting list of unmet expectations. That moment when you realize that the year has actually gone half and you wonder how it happened because the last time you checked it was February. Kindly say a private ‘Ummmhhhhmmm’ if you know how it feels to go back to your diary and realize that you are 370 degrees away from those wonderful resolutions you made on the 1st day of the year.

For me, everything seemed so prim and proper at the beginning of the year. I knew where I was going, and I felt unstoppable. This is July and somehow I feel lost …lost my direction, focus, zeal and probably myself. I had begun to feel I was going round the motions, and life seemed tasteless. Feeling all so dejected and left out in the world, I decided to loaf around in The Word. I honestly had no precise direction in mind but I sought hope... and Hope I found.

I thought it was business as usual because it was really unexpected and totally unassuming. Maybe it was the timing or the regalia The Word was clad in (Message Bible) but something was new. As The Word began to speak, I had to stop, I stopped right there in my mental tracks. I processed these words, and drank in every syllable. At first, I wasn’t sure I heard well, but then the words have not stopped resonating in my spirit;

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 The Message (MSG)

It was so timely- words spoken in due season. For the first time, I realized that Grace had a rhythm - an unforced rhythm. It means that grace - the life of ease, and unmerited divine assistance from God to man, had a rhythm- a strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound.

In those few words, I knew Hope beckoned me to retreat. I had gotten so burnt out on work, religion, and life; I had lost my grace rhythm. I was like someone on the dance floor still dancing to a fast tempo song when it had changed to a slower one. It is no wonder I felt exhausted. It was time to walk, work and watch Him; see how He did it.

If you can relate with this, then you probably might be needing some 'alone time' to retreat. Refusing to retreat is like a writer who refuses to take a break after he has hit a writer’s block…

Do not struggle through the year, when you can actually get away with Him and recover your life.
#Selah
  
Have a blessed weekend.

I MARRIED TO CARRYOUT AN EXPERIMENT... THE END!

This is my story... Very funny I must warn you, and full of a lot of ironies.

So here I was, content with my life- driven, focused, a complete boss-lady...till he came into the picture. From very early, I knew where I was coming from and had an idea where I was going. I might not have had the complete picture but I knew marriage was not part of it. I said it so much, my mother worried I was going to be my own undoing- using my mouth to swear for myself. If only she knew how serious I was and how for once, I didn’t mind this “Shepke” catching me… or so I thought.

Like most of the writers, I didn’t fancy marriage. I had seen a lot of marriages of family and family-friends go bad. I had watched and come to understand the devastating effect of these broken marriages- how they ripped loved ones apart and broke family ties. What hurt me the most was the fact that it also had a negative effect on innocent children. These kids who didn’t ask to be born were not opportune to choose their families, only found themselves in this mess, that left them as the victims.

By the end of high school, 8 out of 10 of my friends had been sexually abused – as a result of seeking solace in the wrong hands while trying to escape from the many family dramas. These and many more contributed to the phobia I had for marriage the hatred I had started developing towards men.

So you now understand why I said my life was content till he came into the picture...At least so I thought From the beginning I knew it was a waste of time. I told him over and over he was going to hurt himself if he decided to tag along. I tried to help him understand that the thought alone of settling down with me was in itself, harmful. I had no regard for men, and the word “submission” was not in my dictionary. What annoyed me more was the fact that he was too calm. I was used to the arrogant ones who I derived joy in humbling. I was an angry person…but he stayed.

He stayed and he prayed…oh, how he prayed. He showered me with so much love…then  I became upset and defensive- Maybe he was pretending… How dare he intend to toy with me… but then he still stayed. He wanted me to know that not all men were Predators and not all marriages were destined to fail- some could be fun. He was persistent…annoyingly consistent. You know what they say 'Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence'… and the hollow was gradually being created…then I started to see reason. You see, the Bible says that Wisdom from above when it sees reason, it yields (James 3:17)…so I yielded…I was a wise woman…lol.

Together we grew ourselves. He understood where I was coming from and helped allay my fear. We fed on the right materials- books, tapes, seminars, and marriage counseling, mingled with the right kinds of people – couples with positive energy who knew where they were going with their lives and their marriages…but also importantly, we sat and drafted marriage goals as we felt led…We decided that we were going to minister with our marriage - our marriage was going to be a reference point of hope to the married and yet to be married… and that’s what gave birth to this blog by the way…

We were one year in marriage on the 2^nd of April 2017 and it’s been an amazing journey so far. Marriage is so much fun- my God!. God does not make a mistake I must say. Marriage is God’s idea and only God can help you enjoy it. God has helped us decant all the negativity we used to know about marriage and filled us with fresh ideas, and The Word. They say marriage is hard work, but so is everything else about life. Anything that is of importance to God is also a priority to the devil. Nonetheless, with a man/woman that loves God and you, and a heart that is willing, there’s no mountain you both cannot overcome.

Why did I get married?

I got married to carry out an experiment – Whether there are happy marriages-I have come, I have seen and I can categorically say MARRIAGE IS BEAUTIFUL. Has it been all roses? Nope!. Do we have our differences? You have no idea. But because we know the marriage serves a greater purpose, we are quick to put asides feelings and pride and come back to work things out fast, lest the devil finds a dwelling ground to replicate his many schemes.

With this, we've come to the end of The Singles Series. If you missed the series kindly check my previous posts since February. It was indeed a privilege to have worked with the writers who shared their stories. When I called, they answered, and when they wrote, they spilled it all out…Thanks, guys, you are the best.

I also consider it a complete honor to have gotten the feedback I got from the general public-some people I knew others preferred to be anonymous. I am so encouraged by the fact that many people actually read, meditated, and decided to retrace their steps to lay firm foundations for their future, especially future in marriage. God will help you stay true to your resolve.

I’ll continue my posts on the life of a newlywed, except of course I feel led otherwise. Kindly stay tuned to the blog. In the meantime, remain blessed and have a splendid week.

Cheers!

Adindu Chiagoziem.

...BECAUSE MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE...

Why do I want to get Married?

Hmmm...! This question is sooo timely for someone like me. People who know me well will tell you how I've always loved weddings. If I had my way, I'll attend all the weddings of people I know. It has helped me to always daydream of my own wedding - my wedding gown, the colors of the day,the dress styles of my train, the wedding cake etc. But then it struck me "hope you know marriage is more than just the wedding day?". If only the love, care and romance that is at its peak on the wedding day/night could last through the marriage, then marriage would just be alluring. But nay, there is more to marriages than we see these days.

When children come, personalities change or rather unveil, love waxes cold then marriage seem like a life time prison... So I became scared of marriage like the thought of it should just remain in my head and never materialize. I had to go through a reorientation with the help of the Bible, I'm actually still working on it. Nonetheless, marriage is meant to be beautiful, with an undying love. It's meant to replicate the Marriage of God and his people, Rev 19:7.

To have a beautiful marriage, first, I need to be ready mentally, spiritually, emotionally etc. Even the Bible says in a number of places "...do not awaken love before it is time".Songs of Songs 2:7; 3:5; 8:4.

Another important thing to do if I want a successful marriage is to have reasons why I want to get married. My reasons include: 

• Companionship: I need to marry to have a life time companion. Trust me, even your close friends might not have time to hear all your blabbing but I can say all I want to my spouse and I can gist for Africa eeehn...lol. Gen 2:8 "it is not good for man to be alone"

• Purpose: this is very paramount for me. I need a partner with whom to fulfill purpose, we might not be doing exactly the same thing, but we have to complement each other. Eccl 4:9-12 "two are better than one for they have a good reward for their labor..."

• Intercourse: this is very important as well, sexual intercourse with my husband is something I've waited to have all my life. So when I'm married, I wouldn't take it easy with him...winks. 1 Cor. 7:8- "it is better to marry than to burn with passion"
• Living Harmoniously: I want to be able to practice living peaceably with my husband without major issues so as to give good account to God on that day. It will also prepare me to live in harmony with other brethren in heaven. Rev 19:17 "...for the marriage of the lamb is come and his wife hath made herself ready"
• Replicate heavenly love: I want to marry so I can debunk my observation that marriage is sour. There are so many failed marriages and because I have the desire to help marriages become better, my marriage would have to be a good example for others. Replicating the Love of Jesus. Amen!1 John 3:16 "perceive the love of God because he laid down his life for us..."
• Honour: There's an igbo adage that says "Ugwu wanyi bu di ya" - A woman's honor is her husband. This is so evident in our society as a single woman is seen as promiscuous except she is married. Heb 13:4a. "Marriage is honorable..."

I could go on and on but the gist is that it's best to have reasons for marriage before you go into it. It gives you a goal for which you will strive to achieve. What is your reason...?

DEBORAH

I WANT TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE IT IS GOD'S PURPOSE FOR ME

Why do I want to get married? Good question you may actually want to answer before you get married, because when situations come, when the devil thinks he can play ping pong with your marriage, the answer to this question would either save or break your marriage. How? Wait for The last paragraph and find out...

.

As for me, i went through different answers to this question in different phases of my life. First I wanted to get married simply because I wanted to... Almost every young girl has in her subconscious a planted subliminal message that says "you must marry!!!" I don't know about other parts of the world but in Africa, you are raised learning to cook, nurture a child (remember your dolls), be responsible as a woman (it used to upset me that my brothers were outside playing while I had to do the chores ) and generally take care of the family. 

But the scales fell from my eyes.... I watched as many marriages in my family disintegrated. Their was hatred, bitterness, anger and I kept asking "why did they get married in the first place?" I watched as two people who said for better or worse, tear each other apart and I said to myself I'd rather remain single . There was no way I would get married and end up like them. 

Let me add this here, if you do not know your purpose in every sphere of your life, then I promise you; you will live a very regrettable life. You will keep trying to but you will never really get it. You will keep jumping from mistakes to mistakes and the devil loves it. See sitting here writing this, I understand it now. My decision to not get married was built in a very faulty foundation:

1. I didn't want to get married from fear 

2. I didn't want to get married but I didn't want to be alone so I moved from man to man. 

3. I didn't want to get married because of my distorted image of marriage I was yet to learn how beautiful it was 

Imagine the fun day the devil had with me; I was never going to settle down. But interestingly, man after man, I got heartbroken and colder and more cynical. 

Then after a while I got lonely and wanted to be married because being lonely was too much to bear, boy was I a confused mess. I mean I had this notion that I could get married and be with him and if anything goes wrong we could just sign divorce papers and I could get married again... Thank you Hollywood ...

Then I met him, my single idol. Ohhhhhh it was love at first sound, then he ticked some other boxes I had in my list; good dresser, speaks good English, drives well, full of pride, corky and though not on my list, had the potential to be rich and he was also a man of God ( see my priorities biko)... See, he was a ready made husband and our relationship became community relationship so everyone expected us to get married. I invested so much in the relationship that when I saw the end written in the wall I refused to believe it.... I couldn't do this much for him and let him go away - I needed compensation, I had forgotten my hopes and dreams and worked at fulfilling his, and someone is telling me the end?? LaiLai and minus that, what would people say?

Finally we broke up and I stayed of relationships entirely. Even when my mentor, friend and pastor told me to let go and stop nursing the pains, I refused to listen. See I was back to my second phase I will never get married but this time, I had purpose, I wasn't jumping from man to man, I was a little more focused and I was driven by that focus. 

So driven that I didn't notice him. He was there from before law School, he prayed with me when I couldn't get my fees and when the miracle happened he helped with all the running around. He made sure I ate after class, was my shoulder to cry on when things got really bad. He is kind, gentle and humble; at a time my bestie and I said he was too nice. 

Then we started dating honestly I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married but I knew he made all the distorted images I had of marriage fade. But I was still scared because I wondered if this wasn't how my parents started. So I prayed!!!! And for the course of one year God spoke and in bits and pieces showing me the purpose for our marriage. 

God has a purpose for everyone and everything and if you do not know the purpose you won't maximize it. Why do I want to get married, simple it is God's purpose for me. I have been in many relationships but none like this. A man that ministers to me everyday so that I can do what I am meant to do in my ministry. A man so focused on loving God that it is easy for him to Love me... Truly God's gift give no sorrow ( don't think it- we dey rack ) 

I want to get married because it is a fulfillment for God's purpose in my life. Not because I don't want to be lonely, not because I am being pressured by people or myself, not because of who he is financially, not because he ticks the boxes properly, not because of friends or looks. But because God says so and when thing gets tricky and the devil rares his head I remember what God says and it keeps me going till everything it is sorted out. 

Bunmi

WK 7 DAY 5- WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

First, this assumes that I want to get married, but then, I do, so I guess its appropriate. That said, we can go on with the why. The first time I seriously thought about this was when Chichi told me her dad asked her before she got married. I then gave it a thought and I'd be pretty straight forward with this one.

In no particular order, my reasons are:

1) I have the desire to marry. I know this doesn't sound deep and all, but its the truth. Some people do not have the desire to be married, but I do.

2) I believe very strongly that the thousand I'm chasing now will be multiplied to ten thousands when I marry my husband. Get me right, I am fulfilling purpose as a single woman, and (not but), I know that there will be greater yield when I'm doing destiny and purpose with my Mr.

3) It's God's will for me to marry.

4) I want to raise a family and have my Godly kids and experience all that comes with being a wife and a mother. I mean, it's gotta be great to have kids that are a part of you.

5) I want to be able to do life with my husband, be able to express myself and feelings uninhibited, without fear nor holding back. Plus, I mean, I get to have this one person I'm licensed to be able to annoy all my life....and I can be annoying. Lol.

6) I want to have and enjoy sex - yep! This is a reason for me- ain't nobody gonna be forming too spiritual to admit this, besides, sex is spiritual, but that's gist for another day. Seeing as I'm only permitted to have sex with my husband, it's one sure reason I wanna be married.

I could probably go on and on, but lets leave it here for now. And this is what I'll say: I've not written these reasons to give anyone reasons to get married. Rather, this is for you to ask yourself why you wanna be married (if you wanna be married). Don't get married for other people's reasons, it's never worth it, oh no, its not. And make sure your reasons are substantial and not  superficial.

Its okay to wanna get married, especially in this world where people, Women especially are forming baddo....its only NOT okay when you wanna do it for the wrong reasons.

With that, I'll ask you, why do you wanna get married???

Its been an awesome time sharing parts of my life with you guys, and I have loved the feedback from the comments and some sent directly to Chichi. Thanks Chichi for the opportunity to be a blessing, and thanks to everyone that read.

God bless you.

Bologi.

MARRY TO PISS THE DEVIL OFF...

WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

If you asked me this question just four (4) months ago, you would have gotten the most negative response ever possible, full of bile, bitterness and complete lack of enthusiasm. I was never the girl who sat to dream of a wedding or a home with a husband and wife…. somehow my daydreaming always stopped at the point where I fall in love with the guy nonetheless even if we break up it wouldn’t count because I’m a self-sufficient independent lady doing what matters most to her.

I would look at married women and feel so much pity for them, when I go for weddings I could very vividly see the chains the couple decided to wear on their necks by themselves, I just could never understand it. Why would you walk into a trap with your own very legs?

All the marriage stories always turned out to be woe stories, yea sure they could be happy for a while but then the woman has 3 kids and gets fat and bitter and loses herself. Or the husband switches to become some complete cheating stranger or the most familiar scenario which most of us can relate to cause most of our parents belong to this category is - there isn’t hatred in the home, but it’s just a dull usual mummy - daddy-house-mates-coming-together-to-raise-kids arrangement…….. So why is everyone still pushing to go into it?

I knew all the wrong reasons, but I had a problem finding the right reasons. On one occasion, I was having a conversation with my mum and I told her point blank, “just condition your mind and not wait for this marriage thing to happen, cause for me, if I do not have a very obvious concrete reason to go into it, I most definitely won’t”. But then again I began asking lots of questions, in my spirit I knew there was a missing link, there was something I was not getting.

Since Jesus loves me, yea He is my friend and my original Guy and because I told Him I don’t ever want to miss a chance at dealing with and embarrassing the devil with my life, He showed me something, very huge obvious reasons why I should get married.

He prepared a course work of 14 books to read before June 2017 and while reading one of the books written by Bishop Oyedepo he mentioned in passing, how after witnessing a bad marriage in his neighborhood he decided he did not need marriage but when he grew up, he began asking questions. And then it occurred to me, I am not strange! I am at the question asking stage, meaning I’m close to getting my answers and deliverance! 

God said to me, when there is something you are confused about, look at your manual – The Bible, and not what you see around you, as what you see around you can be very misleading plus you might get the whole picture wrong.

Now My Manual –The Bible has begun giving me the right picture of what a marriage should be, I’m grateful that I can share the little I know for now as I am still on my course.

WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

a)   God created the marriage institution his very own self.

God looked at Adam and said “it is not good that man should be alone” and then he created Eve a help meet for Adam. By instituting marriage he created a way to make life better and not worse for man. God is love, he wouldn’t create something bad.

b)   You know how God loves us so much that he sent his only begotten son to die for us? Yes! Okay! When God refers to us and Him in so many instances He uses “marriage” as the best way to explain His relationship with us. This means marriage is most definitely not something that is supposed to bring hurt. God knows what he created marriage to be, if you want to know it too, you’ve got to check out his word on it. Revelation 19: 7-9, Isaiah 62:3-5, Hosea 2:14-17, Jeremiah 3:14, Hosea 2:19.

c)   Two are better than one because, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

i)              they have a good return for their labor;

ii)             if either of them falls down, one can help the other up, pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up;

iii)            if two lie down together, they will keep warm;

iv)           though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves;

v)            a cord of three strands is not quickly broken – God, Man and Wife.

d)   If done right, it is terror to the kingdom of the devil. Imagine homes where spouses know what God created marriage to be, raising well rounded, confident, intelligent, God fearing children with a full understanding of love and purpose, this would most definitely wreak havoc on the devil who is constantly looking for anywhere we lack knowledge to use against us. In this types of homes, he’d rarely get the opportunity. This will devastate him.

e)   When you go into marriage the way God who created it wants it, you gain great evil-proof companionship, love, security, safety, minimized mistakes and hurts. A way to always solve issues, continuous all round growth and strength.  Ephesians 5:21-33.

f)     Someone to share everything with for the long haul, happiness, support, sadness. You know how the Bible says Jesus is the bridegroom and the church the bride? In the Bible Jesus shared everything with us…. love (at the wedding of Canna), sadness (at the tomb of Lazarus), food (when he fed the 5000), joy(playing with the little kids)…..and he is our bridegroom! So a marriage should be too.

g)   To enjoy loving someone and someone loving you back. The Bible defines Love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, imagine a marriage that operates with this type of love!

h)    That is our best reward on this side of eternity, a great marriage with the spouse you love. According to Solomon, after all your toilsome labor on earth, we are admonished by Solomon to enjoy marriage. Ecclesiates 9:9

i)      A good avenue to glorify God as purpose and destiny will be fulfilled.

j)      Bonus: it will an opportunity for me to glorify God and just plain make the devil useless, I enjoy such opportunities, I will not miss out on this.

In summary, for now, I want to get married because I’m sure of the person who created it, it will give me joy when I do it his way, I will have love, companionship and great children, pursue and achieve more results and also piss the devil off!! 

Win-Win situation!!

EJURA

WHY GET MARRIED?

I often ponder the saga in marriages in this 21^st century, they leave me perplexed. But all hope is never lost. 

…OMG! She looks like Cinderella |Groom’s so cute| Superduper lovely| Aww! I love her dress| I love this picture, wish its me| Congrats, cute babies loading... These are some of the comments, you’ll see, about wedding posts on social media. I know people (mostly females) who want to get married because of wedding pictures they see online, on social media platforms, the likes of bellanaijaweddings, Nigerianwedding, lindaIkeji etc. They see pictures and start daydreaming about how their wedding can hold as soon as possible with the whole settings in the picture. They tap and click on (depending on which social app) the ‘like’ button as many times as they want and start making comments like ‘why can’t someone like more than once sef’ (you relate with this right?). Only if you knew the stress and how much money went into planning that wedding.

Others see posts about proposals & pre-wedding pictures and wish they had a fiancé or fiancée like that. Some even wish for the same type of ring and the same environment for their dream spouse to propose to them. We easily get carried away by the physicals, things that are pleasing to the senses. Marriage is more than this!

On the other hand, I have interacted with people who do not want to get married because of various reasons; they either don’t want to make commitments or some say, “Ah! It’s too stressful ooo”. Others have said, “Abeg I want to have my freedom jare.” My response to this, in defining freedom, is that the person who is in a commitment is freer than you who has not made a commitment. You are wondering what this means exactly right. Yeah, don’t worry I’ll explain. Many people know the definition of freedom as the ability to do things on your own unconstrained; some say it is a Right. I do not disagree, but they fail to add the other part which is ‘…making decision(s) which is (are) right.’ Someone who is committed (who has a focus) already has a path he or she is following in life, so it is easier for that person to decide when decision time comes, if it fits or does not fit into their path. But for you who is still flexing around, you that do not have a goal or focus, whatever comes, you take. I hope you’ll be ready for the consequences of your flexing action. Please not, this is totally different from those who have decided and chosen to live celibacy (another topic for another day). Freedom is a gift.

Even the Holy books say a lot about marriage but I still want to continue on a natural level. Another misconception people have about marriage is that ‘there must be the reward of a child to proof the success of the marriage’. The capacity for procreation is God allowing us share in His creative power. Procreation is one of the reasons for marriage, they are blessings which come with marriage. If they do not come, it is not enough reason for you to think your marriage is a failure. These days, you find people who will not get married unless the lady is pregnant. Please this is not a solid reason for marriage. What will happen if the life of that child is lost, would your marriage be lost as well? The marital vow proclaimed during a marriage ceremony is the strongest bond of a covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God. Nothing! and I repeat nothing!! should be the reason why two people would decide to want to break up their marriage except death, not even adultery is a reason. The highest form of action that can be taken with regards adultery is separation. The only reason, which is rarely the case, is if there was a false declaration of the exchanged marital vow. Maybe if one of the spouses made those declarations without meaning it or is not in a sane state of mind, which means there was never any union ab initio (from the beginning). Marriage is ‘Till death do us part.’

Marriage is a real supernatural calling. Marriage is a sacrament that makes one flesh of two bodies. Every home should be a place of peace and serenity.

The reason why I really want to get married is to have a COMPANION, someone you can build a family with. I need a complement, I need a help mate, I need a fellowship, I need a friendship, I need someone to be 100% free with, I need closeness, I need my missing rib to make me complete, above all, I need true love. Someone you are united and entangled with, together forever. Someone you can trust, one who can stand by you, someone who makes you happy and the list is endless. Find out who that person is, and when you have found out, allow the test of time to take its course before making that final commitment. Never forget to talk to the God about this. 

Tip off!

You are to complement your spouse and not make your spouse like you or expect a perfect person, we are all humans. No one is perfect; we create the perfection we want.

Sometimes, the feelings will die out, we would now have to use our head and not our heart. The solution to most, if not all, of the difficulties we face in life is TIME. Only God creates time.

God made time, but man made haste. ~Irish Proverb

Mr Seun Ogundipe

WK 7 DAY 2 - WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Hmmmm, why do I really want to get married? When Chichi asked me to write on this I smiled and told her this article will finally force me to answer myself. Marriage as a concept means a lot of things to different people and one of the meanings i nurtured for a long time was "a cage". Yeah!!! Each time I thought of marriage or saw a couple during their wedding all I felt was fear. My emotions would be a mixture of pity and dread. Like " Jesus...this lady is trapped, she now lives under the authority of this man. He dictates her every move and say". I sure as hell didn't envy that. To that end, I saw to it that the only courtship I had was with my books, few friends and Jesus...lol... 'I know I'm married to Jesus Satan leave me alone'. All of these seemed easier to carry on because i was quite young and marriage isn't a priority your parents demand of at that time.

 Fast forward to after youth service and returning home. It started like a joke, ' when are you getting married?' Then it graduated to a daily reality from parents, friends and well wishers. Ahhh... the crown of it was when i started buying aso ebi for Secondary School friends. My mother never ceased to emphasize that they are my mates. Marriage had left Social studies book and the altar to become my present hour reality. I wasn't envious of my friends getting married but that abstract word was beginning to take a real form in my very eyes.

 Maturity helped me realize marriage to the right person isn't a cage per se but it didn't help to eliminate the fear that comes with the thought of marriage. I do want to get married now but i don't want to do it for the wrong reasons. I don't want to get married to escape the pressures at home, neither do i want to do so because all my friends are getting married and I'm scared of losing out on the trend. I don't want to get married because im scared of ending up alone nor do i want to do it so society doesn't call me a failure.

 Eccl 4: 9-12 TLB "Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be better vs 10 if one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he is in trouble". I've prided myself in being independent but that's mainly out of insecurity. Fear that if i open up i will get hurt. But the word of God has groomed me these past  years, letting me know that if i walk by the Spirit my testimony will be from glory to glory. So for this course I'm finally going to answer the question: why do i really wanna get married?

 As stated in Eccl 4: 9 I don't only want to accomplish but i want to do so tremendously. What better partner to embark on this feat than a soul mate ordained by God. As vs 10 explained, i know i might falter every once in a while in this journey called life but i know with the right person i will find solace, love and comfort to pull me back up. Vs 11 also - on a cold night, two under the same blanket gain warmth from each other, but how can one be warm alone?" Trust me, I have had enough of the cold  nights. I do not want the warmth that comes with sin and guilt so I'm patiently ticking with the clock for my cold night partner to arrive.

 Lastly as advised by Paul and Jesus, if you do not have the grace to withhold sin then do the available. It was easier to think i had the grace when i was much younger but growing up amidst many mistakes and shortcomings i think i will advice myself to listen to words of wisdom. I am still walking through the fear of marriage but now i have better reasons to overcome it.

Thanks a lot Chichi for making me finally answer this question to myself. All of the times I have meditated on it, this is the first time I am answering it.

Thanks again.

Omore.

WK 7 DAY 1- WHY I WANT TO TIE THE PROVERBIAL KNOT BY POPE

Hi great pips, happy new week, and I hope the month is ending on a good note. So we had to take a compulsory one week break from the series to re-energize. The week before last was power packed, back-to-back. Thank God for the writers who agreed to share their stories with us. The feed back have been really inspiring.

I remembered when Boo proposed, my world practically stopped for what looked like another lifetime. I was excited ( don't get me wrong), I just was not sure I wanted to marry...and No it was not about him, its just that the reality of marriage was beginning to set in and I wasn't sure I knew if I was ready...That's gist for another day (probably at the end of the week). So I went to Dad to let him know I had seen "The One" and he asked me one question that left me blank...I could not even attempt an answer- WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? I felt "...that's an unfair question to ask me, moreover, you are married nah, abi don't you want me to marry too...". In my head, I felt I was old enough, had seen the one, and just could not understand why I shouldn't want to marry... But beyond the defensiveness, all by myself, I knew I needed to answer this question truthfully.

The thing is, there are no right or wrong answers per se, as long as your reasons are not illegal or harmful or revengeful...ehen. However, I think that there are level to this- levels to the depth of your answer that will determine how well your marriage turns out and whether it lasts or not.

Meanwhile, this week is also special because i'll be featuring GUYS for the first time since the series begun...Yippee!

Have a splendid read this week and God bless your marriages and relationships!👊👊

CHIAGOZIEM

WK 6 DAY 7 - YOUR STORY - HIS GLORY

It’s been an amazing week in all aspects of the word “amazing”. In my head, I felt i was reaching out to singles to encourage them to lay healthy foundations for their married lives. Little did I know I was going to be ministered to rather heavily.

The plan has always been to reserve Sundays for me to wrap-up and put a cap to the discussions on the topic of any given week. For some reasons, I have been unable to. However, with the sensitivity and far reaching effects of this week’s topic, I knew I had to create time to wrap up.

The topic for the week was VIRGINITY. The writers shared with us how they kept or lost their virginity, the struggles they faced (and are still facing) and the lessons learnt so far. Trust me when i say, they did an awesome job of opening up to the world just to minister to someone. This topic was not intended to make anyone feel lost and dejected. On the contrary, it was supposed to minister grace to you, and I am sure it did. The writers were a mixed multitude and I am sure their stories blessed different people at different levels of the purity journey. It does not matter how lost you think you are, grace and forgiveness are always available. And like one of the writers highlighted; just go and sin no more. And for you who is still a virgin, remember to never be too confident in yourself and “walk on the edges”, lest you fall.

One major lesson I learnt in the course of the week is to never ever judge anybody. If you have not lived their story, you have no right to judge another. There were those who lost their virginity “carelessly”. Others, rather willingly but oblivious of the consequences. There is another category who lost their virginity to “thieves”. All they’ve known is hurt and lack of trust. They end up being lesbians or homosexuals, hating men/women, or just giving in to sex at any given opportunity. We see these ones and call them “loose” or “prostitutes” or “wayward”, and then we stigmatize them. But you weren’t there when someone came and literally ripped virtue from them without consent and apology, the day innocence was buried, the day they wished a million and one things including death, the nights when they wake up practically screaming and drenched in their sweat, the days they dread closing their eyes, lest they re-live the experience, moments when they had to doubt God’s love for allowing such happen to them … If you don’t know their story, don’t judge.

If you are in this category, God’s grace is also available. I have no blanket solution to give you because your story is peculiar. But one thing is for sure - you need to talk to someone so that you can begin healing enough to let go of the hurt, forgive your offender and begin to live the fulfilling life you were created to live. There is so much “hurt” is not letting you enjoy, there’s so much you can give and NO! it was not your fault. I will also like to tell you that you have a ministry in that “misery”. Like these writers of the week, there’s someone out there only you can reach because only you can relate with what they went or are going through. If you want to talk, you can get across to me on njokuchiagoziem@gmail.com and I will connect you to proper counselors who will be willing to walk with you irrespective of your location… and yes, it will be strictly confidential. If you also have story you want to share that might bless others, kindly get across to me with the terms and conditions...lol😀.

I long for a world where we stop being stereotypes and start loving people for who they really are. A world that is free of judgement, criticisms and name calling. A world where people have compassion enough to ask what the problem really is and proffer solutions in confidence...

 I would love to end with this passage  - 2 Cor 5:16

^16-20 Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.  (msg)

Let go of the hurt, forgive yourself and the offender and let grace wash over you and give you a new start. It might not be easy but it is doable...trust me i know...

Next week's topic is setting standards...See you tomorrow.

Remain blessed.

Cheers!

CHIAGOZIEM ADINDU