MARRIAGE IS FOR LEARNERS

I had promised to do a piece on my biggest fear before and in marriage (refer back to my second post on the 18th of August  http://journalofanewlywed.blogspot.com.ng/). Well, this is it!

Like most ladies, I had a lot of fears about marriage. Most of these fears were caused by the pressures from parents and society {knowingly and unknowingly} on me to ensure I was the perfect wife. I know that I am not the only one who has been told -  "Is that how you want to be behaving in your husband's house"? OR "Better learn this and this so that you will not embarrass us in your husband's house",  as if a woman's only goal in life was to be a wife and nothing else. Very little emphasis is even placed on being a good mother as much as being a good wife. (gist for another day).

My main worry which later bred a feeling of inadequacy was fear of never attaining the anticipated level of perfection expected of a  good wife (as if there was one). One major aspect I dreaded and doubted myself in was the aspect of cooking. But before my own worry, was my mum's. She would just call me out of the blue (while I was single) and ask if I even knew how to prepare whatever it was she just finished preparing. I will try to impress her with my theoretical answers. In some cases I made some terrible blunders, other times I aced my "essay question". She would always end our conversation by saying "Chi, it's not by talking o, it is by doing".

Before you judge me, let me explain the genesis of the situation. I went to a boarding school which availed me little time at home. On some holidays I traveled to vacation in a relative's home, and when I stayed back at home, I was made to learn how to cook by observing and assisting (which by the way is not the best way to teach anyone how to cook). So, I proposed in my heart that I would use my College days to learn how to cook, and "prepare myself for marriage" (hehehe). However, I, fortunately or unfortunately, found myself in a school where we were not allowed to cook. As if things couldn't get any worse, cooking in law school was prohibited so I was stuck with my theoretical knowledge on the matter.

Fast forward to after marriage and I was soon to discover that cooking is not as spiritual as people make it seem. Thankfully, hubby and I are not very conventional eaters so I had to be very creative in the preparations of meals as well as the introduction of variety. Guess who became my buddy? - google.com (lol). We bonded so much, it was really a productive relationship. I visited a lot of online cooking sites, copied a lot of recipes, and tried them out successfully. Another thing that helped me was that I shared my fears with friends and got culinary advice- I was that determined. Someone came to my house recently and said "I think you are a better cook than you are a lawyer" (By the way that was a joke #straightface).

Marriage is a lifelong journey and I definitely do not intend to downplay the importance of this sacred institution. I know that adequate preparations are needed, especially mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and otherwise. However, the moral of the story is this: you can never be too prepared for marriage. It is okay to not know certain things and be willing to learn and develop yourself. This is one project where you have a lot of on-the-job learning to do. Even if you are married a second or third time, you will still be considered a "learner" for the purpose of understanding the uniqueness of your union and the peculiarities of each individual. 

So please be encouraged!  Cast fear, worry, and all feelings of inadequacy aside, and brace yourself for a wonderful marital journey. And oh, please do not forget that you have access to divine resources in The Word that will help you develop an amazing blueprint for your marriage. Marriage was created by God, and only He can see you through.

I celebrate you!

Cheers!
#marriageisforlearners