MARRIAGE GOALS

Like most of our fantasies, marriage must also have a goal. In this small life of mine, I have seen goals gan - relationship goals, slimming goals, mom-daugter goals and even baby mama goals (no jokes).  

I can still see my father's facial expression as he listened to me tell him I was ready for marriage and I had seen someone who wanted to grow old with me. I still try to imagine what went on in his mind for the next forty eight hours,  because by the third day he called me and asked me a question, which before that day,  I thought I could answer- "why do you want to get married"?I began to rumble. I told him I felt I was old enough and ready,  moreover it just felt right. Then I remembered to throw in a little spiritual twist to it, by saying that because God knew I was ready, He sent someone who loved me my way. Hehehehe. Was he convinced ? Omo  that is another matter entirely o. Were my answers wrong? of course not! But that question birthed in me a lot of other questions about the very essence of marriage, hence this post. 

 

Truth is, people marry for various reasons. Most people marry because they feel they are old enough and the society has began to make demands. For some it is to escape the over-bearing clutches of parents. Others just believe it is the cure for poverty and any form of financial impediment. As sickening as it might seem, some actually marry to "legalize" sex and free their consciences from the guilt of fornication and adultery.

 

On the seemingly good side are those who marry for companionship, to procreate, or even for love. But the truth is, while there is nothing wrong with these reason,  there definitely has to be more. Marriage is too serious, surreal and sacred to be underestimated or submerged in shallowness. Your marriage must have far reaching effects  and  must also be bigger than both of you. Everyone needs to stop at some point in time in life and ask "why do I want to get married" or why did I get married" and "why now"?.

 

The answer to this question will directly or indirectly define your marriage goal which metamorphosis into a vision. One of my mentors defined vision as a picture of the future that creates passion.  I am not referring to those goals we set when we see  lovely memes with wonderful captions e.g.

 I am referring to that picture of the future in marriage that is bigger than both spouses (or spouses to be). It is that picture that fuels your commitment when your motivation or passion begins to run low (because it will).

 

In most cases,  such passions are born out of a burden. Before I married, I dreaded this institution because a lot of marriages around me were very sour. Marriage beyond the ceremony did not look attractive. So I proposed in my heart that if I ever got married, my marriage would be a pillar of hope to those who were yet to marry and even those who were married. Interestingly, by the time I met my husband, he also had his own goals. We sat down, merged this goals together, and got a vision for our marriage. It is this vision that keeps us safe, sane and sure in trying times.

The beautiful thing about a vision is that it is never too late to have. It does not matter how long you have been married, you can pause now and give your marriage a new meaning by redefining it with your spouse. For those who are yet to marry, this might be a good time to develop your own goal. 

Very importantly, every Vision must be written down. -Habbakuk 2:2-4. It helps keep things in perspective at all times.  

Remember that when the essence of a thing is not known, abuse becomes inevitable... 

#whydoyouwanttogetmarried?

#selah

 cheers! 

 

 

 

 

 

MARRIAGE IS FOR LEARNERS

I had promised to do a piece on my biggest fear before and in marriage (refer back to my second post on the 18th of August  http://journalofanewlywed.blogspot.com.ng/). Well, this is it!

Like most ladies, I had a lot of fears about marriage. Most of these fears were caused by the pressures from parents and society {knowingly and unknowingly} on me to ensure I was the perfect wife. I know that I am not the only one who has been told -  "Is that how you want to be behaving in your husband's house"? OR "Better learn this and this so that you will not embarrass us in your husband's house",  as if a woman's only goal in life was to be a wife and nothing else. Very little emphasis is even placed on being a good mother as much as being a good wife. (gist for another day).

My main worry which later bred a feeling of inadequacy was fear of never attaining the anticipated level of perfection expected of a  good wife (as if there was one). One major aspect I dreaded and doubted myself in was the aspect of cooking. But before my own worry, was my mum's. She would just call me out of the blue (while I was single) and ask if I even knew how to prepare whatever it was she just finished preparing. I will try to impress her with my theoretical answers. In some cases I made some terrible blunders, other times I aced my "essay question". She would always end our conversation by saying "Chi, it's not by talking o, it is by doing".

Before you judge me, let me explain the genesis of the situation. I went to a boarding school which availed me little time at home. On some holidays I traveled to vacation in a relative's home, and when I stayed back at home, I was made to learn how to cook by observing and assisting (which by the way is not the best way to teach anyone how to cook). So, I proposed in my heart that I would use my College days to learn how to cook, and "prepare myself for marriage" (hehehe). However, I, fortunately or unfortunately, found myself in a school where we were not allowed to cook. As if things couldn't get any worse, cooking in law school was prohibited so I was stuck with my theoretical knowledge on the matter.

Fast forward to after marriage and I was soon to discover that cooking is not as spiritual as people make it seem. Thankfully, hubby and I are not very conventional eaters so I had to be very creative in the preparations of meals as well as the introduction of variety. Guess who became my buddy? - google.com (lol). We bonded so much, it was really a productive relationship. I visited a lot of online cooking sites, copied a lot of recipes, and tried them out successfully. Another thing that helped me was that I shared my fears with friends and got culinary advice- I was that determined. Someone came to my house recently and said "I think you are a better cook than you are a lawyer" (By the way that was a joke #straightface).

Marriage is a lifelong journey and I definitely do not intend to downplay the importance of this sacred institution. I know that adequate preparations are needed, especially mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and otherwise. However, the moral of the story is this: you can never be too prepared for marriage. It is okay to not know certain things and be willing to learn and develop yourself. This is one project where you have a lot of on-the-job learning to do. Even if you are married a second or third time, you will still be considered a "learner" for the purpose of understanding the uniqueness of your union and the peculiarities of each individual. 

So please be encouraged!  Cast fear, worry, and all feelings of inadequacy aside, and brace yourself for a wonderful marital journey. And oh, please do not forget that you have access to divine resources in The Word that will help you develop an amazing blueprint for your marriage. Marriage was created by God, and only He can see you through.

I celebrate you!

Cheers!
#marriageisforlearners